Before 2012 kicked into high gear, I thought about the kind of year I wanted to have and the kind of person I wanted to become. Over the past few months, one theme has rung true: it's time for the little girl to sit down and the woman to stand up.
I first heard that statement as a sixteen-year-old, finishing up my freshmen year of high school. I was attending Student Leadership University and before the leadership sessions kicked off, we were told that this was the week for the little girl/boy to sit down and the woman/man to stand up. At sixteen, I thought that was a polite way of saying, "Now kids, behave. We're in a nice hotel and we don't want to get any bad reports." But I scribbled the statement down (mostly because we were told to), and it came to the fore-front of my mind in 2012.
No longer that sixteen-year-old, I am beginning to see that statement in a new light. I'm a senior in college, I've tipped into that twenty-something category, and am starting to shape my own dreams and opinions about the future.
That little girl side of me wants life to be pretty simple. It was easy when my parents made decisions for me or when my opinion on things could be molded according to that of my friends and mentors. This year something has shifted though, and I can't really pin-point it. 2012 has brought fresh opportunities, new friends, deep friendships, a tattoo, difficult seasons, jump-up-and-down-out-of-sheer-joy seasons, new goals, and a lot of change. Throughout the first half of this year, I have felt a transformation—I'm beginning to look at the world through my own sets of opinions and beginning to make big decisions. At first, my brain wasn't sure how to take this new-found independence...was it wrong for me to have an opinion different than that of my friends or family? Not at all. But at first it just felt...well, weird.
Tipping into adulthood feels strange...like playing dress up in your Mom's clothes only to find out that they actually fit you. It's this sensation of stumbling around in the dark, tripping over furniture you didn't know was there, all the while searching for the light. This is where I'm at...standing at the crossroads of that little girl I once was and the woman I am called to be.
I think this is why I resonated with Katy Perry's song, "Wide Awake" so vividly.
Watching Katy interact with the little girl of her past, made me think about who I was and who I'm becoming. Part of me wants to hold onto that little girl and not let her go, but I know it's time for her to sit down, and for the woman God created me to be to stand up.
My parents can't make decisions for me anymore. I need to stand up and be the woman God has created me to be. Hebrews 6v19 reminds me that I don't have to figure out "adulthood" alone. God is the anchor for my soul. He created me to be this woman that I'm becoming and He will be there every step of the way, guiding and directing me. The foundation that my parents have laid for me will never leave me.
I don't have this journey of life figured out, but I want it to be marked by a deep faith and trust in the God who created me for it. As I stand up and become who God created me to be, I'm accepting a personal invitation from God to discover Him in the journey! That's exciting.
In 2011 as I looked at 2012, I didn't "plan" for what this transformation would feel like, but as I hug the little girl of my past and stand up, I know that I'm going to "find my way, find a way to be."