free movie tickets & 79 degrees.

We picked a movie. We had our tickets. We had our seats. And I was already digging into a fresh box of chocolate covered raisins. Now that's what I call a Sunday night.


The lights dimmed, the previews came and went, and we finally settled into the latest blockbuster flick. And then the power went out. There wasn't a flickering of lights or even a warning. For a split-second, I thought the blackened screen was a part of the movie itself...but then the movie never moved forward. It was frozen on a blank screen.


The emergency lights were lit, but everything else remained pitch black. As if on cue, a sea of iPhone lights began to flood the theater, interspersed with a few iPhone flashlights. Several what seemed like super long minutes passed by, and then the voices started.

Someone call the theater.
Why is this taking so long?
I'd better get a refund.
Will someone start the movie already?!

More minutes ticked by.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

With a sudden flash, we were back in business. The movie picked up right where we left off. But we were missing one key element: sound.

Cue the voices again.

Helloooo...we need sound!
Someone fix this already!
This is unbelievable.

And along with the sea of comments came silly interpretations of what the characters were saying and groups of movie goers who, fed up with the situation, just got up and left.

Awkward.

In a matter of minutes, the sound too returned and we finished the movie without missing a beat. We even received free movie tickets for the inconvenience...and walked outside to a breezy 79 degree Nevada night. For my fellow desert dwellers out there, you know that monsoon season has its upside!

Now this is a great story and all, and I'm sure many of you are wondering why I've even rambled on about it in the first place. No, my point wasn't to simply blurt out my movie going experience for the world to hear. My point centers around the word perspective.

The series of events described above literally took place within the timeframe of 10 minutes. In that short window, a group of people quickly passed through the emotional stages of excitement and anticipation to be hanging out on a Sunday night, to anger and rage towards a movie theater who can't control whether the desert monsoon season decides to send massive lighting bolts its way or not.

In the midst of the chaos, I looked at my friend and we both couldn't help but laugh. People's responses were hilariously appalling...and honestly, kind of sad. And then it dawned on me how strong our perspective truly is. How we think about the circumstances around us has the power to shape them both for the positive or the negative.

For the movie goers who viewed the slight setback as a problem, the entire experience was ruined...and brought out a side of anger towards others that just wasn't even necessary.

For the movie goers who saw the power outage as an opportunity to think about cooler weather outside and a break from the 100+ degree Nevada surges, the experience was a win-win. We were able to finish the movie we intended to see, receive free movie tickets to come back another time, AND walked outside to a gorgeous night!

We were all sitting in the same theater with the same set of circumstances. Yet two completely different experiences took place. And it all stemmed from our perspective...our vantage point...our attitude...our thoughts.

I love how Philippians 4:8-9 guides us: "Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."

Tonight, I'm wrestling with this question: how does my perspective guide and shape my circumstances?

following Jesus leads to outsiders

We often don't think of having a relationship with complete strangers. But the truth of the matter is, we do. Someone may look different than us, have a different style, and we may have never said a word to them, but we have one thing in common: our Creator.

Today, I'm reflecting on some hard words. Yesterday at Church of Hope, we talked about "outsiders"—those who haven't experienced this incredible Hope we have in Christ. The conversation got me thinking about those who perhaps step into a church environment for the first time or the first time in a long time.

What are they thinking? Are they worried about what to expect? What to wear?

What are they expecting? A friend? Hope? Answers? Judgement?

I've been the new girl, the outsider, in plenty of situations ranging from schools to churches to work environments. The first time stepping foot in a new place in tough. Environments where people's eyes stare at you and don't offer a friendly smile is discouraging. On the flip-side, the environments I've stepped into where a friendly word has been extended and smile offered my way, I've felt welcomed and accepted...like I belong.

Church is a polarizing environment in our culture. While some experience the incredible community that the church was designed to be, others experience deep hurt, pain, rejection, and judgement. And I know this from personal experience. I've lived on both ends of that spectrum.

Hear my heart: let us never be a people who look at someone who comes to church for the very first time or the first time in a long time and say, "It's your responsibility to let me know you're new here." Ouch. Too often—and not just on Sundays—we walk past people sitting at cafe tables, standing off to the side alone, or sitting in a lone aisle, rushing quickly to grab coffee or say a quick hello to a friend before the worship gathering starts. Little do we know what that person is going through...or perhaps, what they have experienced in a church environment in the past. It's not their responsibility to announce the fact that they're a stranger. If we are followers of Christ, it's our responsibility to be aware. Following Jesus leads to outsiders.

We—and I'm speaking to myself here too!—get stuck in routines far too easily. I know that I walk past people searching desperately for Hope...people who are outsiders that could be insiders and experience the life-giving Hope we have in Christ...but these people will only experience it if I slow down enough to see.

Let's slow down. This week, keep your eyes open to those who are different than you...than me. Be flexible. Talk to people. Smile.

And if you're part of a church community, when you gather on Sunday, don't walk past people so quickly...especially people you don't know. Say hello. Stop for a minute. You just might be the difference in them moving from being an outsider to being an insider...discovering that they have Hope in Christ.

If you consider yourself an outsider to this thing called church, hear me clearly: I don't know your story and I don't know what you've experienced inside the walls of a church. I understand the pain, the heartache, the feeling of hopelessness. But I've found Hope. Church has hurt me too. But Jesus hasn't. Jesus Christ fills me in a way that people never can. Lasting Hope, fulfilling Hope, comes from Christ alone. I'm sorry for the pain you've experienced and if I could wipe it away, I would. But know that you're not alone. Risk stepping into that environment again. Risk being vulnerable and if you have to take that first step and say hello, do it. But in the midst of the sea of faces, keep your eyes on the true source of Hope—Jesus Christ.

Following Jesus leads to outsiders. If you're not meeting and embracing them, you're not following Jesus. Hard, but true words.

being right is highly over-rated

We’ve all worked with that one person. You know, that one guy who always has to have the last word. Or the constant Debbie Downer of the office who consistently dampens the mood in any given situation. Unlike our circle of friends, we don’t always have the privilege of hand-picking the people we work with. The question then is, how can you lead co-workers who are just hard to work with?

Picture this: it’s Monday morning, you’ve just come off of a great weekend, and your company has an important presentation this week that could make or break the future of the company. As if right on cue, your co-worker, Joe, walks into your office spewing frustration that not only have the bathrooms run out of toilet paper again, but the coffee maker is broken, and his girlfriend broke up with him this weekend. To top it off, Joe states that he is just too stressed to focus on his portion of the presentation (which in your mind isn’t even that big of a portion anyways!) and he needs your input in order to finish it before his 10:00 a.m. deadline. Did I mention it’s 9:00 a.m. and that Joe is the Facilities Director?

You’re left facing a crossroads that could turn one of two ways. You can either spew your own frustration at Joe, angrily telling him to go fix his own problems while he fixes the toilet paper situation that is his responsibility anyways. Or you can take a deep breath and decide to pick and choose your battles.

Would you be in the right to brush off Joe, kick him out of your office, and show your annoyance at his negative outlook? Absolutely. Would it be beneficial? Not at all.

The number one secret to leading people that are difficult to work with is in knowing this truth: being right is highly over-rated. When co-workers complain, try to be right, or get the last word in, take a deep breath and decide what kind of leader you want to be. If you react to what your co-workers are displaying and attempt to prove a point, the only thing you really prove is that you are no different than they are.

If it’s not a crucial issue and in the big scheme of things it really doesn’t matter, remember that leading is more about choosing to lead and less about proving you’re right. In the end, your co-workers may not change how they act, but what truly matters is what happens in you, not to you.

the friend at midnight

Luke 11v5-8

Then he said to them, “Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.’

“Then the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man’s boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs.

                      *                      *                      *                      *                

I can count on one hand the number of people I could call at 2:00 a.m. and who would answer the phone. These individuals—some by blood, others by mutual life experiences—would move heaven and earth to help me, if I asked. I don’t have to beg or plead for their help. They just help me.

I’ve never thought of God as a 2:00 a.m. friend until recently. On the verge of making an important decision, I was asked if I had talked to God about it. I looked at my friend hesitantly, knowing they were expecting the truth, but not wanting to admit that I hadn’t. I assumed that this opportunity had come straight from God and I didn’t need to give it a second thought. But that question pricked my heart in a way I wasn’t expecting. Had I talked to God about it? What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t wait on making my decision for some bold sign in the sky or audible voice, and frankly, I had no clue how I would even know what God was trying to say to me. Would I hear a “yes” or “no,” or just feel a certain feeling, signaling which path I should take? I wrestled within myself. I searched my Bible for a verse that would make me feel warm and fuzzy. I frantically sought a sensation of peace so that I could pillow my head that night with direction and purpose.

None of that came.

It wasn’t until my eyelids were heavy and the hour-hand on my clock ticked later and later and into the night that I began to hear something. In all of my dizzying rush to force an answer out of God, I hadn’t been listening at all. I had just been knocking on the door, not waiting for Him to actually open it up. In the stillness of my room, I never received that audibly loud, booming God-voice or visit from an angel, but I did receive a “peace that passes all understanding.” I had knocked, or perhaps more accurately, banged on the door, and God answered. 

In the Middle East there is a well-known code for hospitality. Historically, when a traveller stopped for shelter and a warm meal, one was under an obligation to fulfill their needs. Because of this, when a neighbor knocked on your door asking for bread, you’d answer, knowing in full confidence that he would do the same for you. In fact, you could walk confidently to your neighbor’s home and simply knock on the door, knowing that he would get out of bed, answer your call for help, and share his family’s bread.

I think talking to God is a lot like the picture Luke gives us between the two friends in the parable. There was a camaraderie rooted deep inside this friendship, a confidence that they would have each other’s back—even if it meant getting out of bed in the middle of the night. All they had to do was knock and they’d receive an answer. 

I bang on God’s door too much. I do all the talking and asking, but rarely stop knocking. I don’t take my fist away from the door long enough to give room to God to open it up to me. Perhaps the root of the issue is that I don’t trust that He will, in fact, open the door. When a situation calls for action, I want to grab life with both hands and make it happen. I think God will be too busy to get out of bed, and offer me His bread. So I create my own pseudo-bread. And each time I do this, I’m not satisfied, and the bread, well, it just doesn’t taste like bread.

Maybe this story is more about faith than it is about bread or travelers or waking someone up in the middle of the night. Maybe it’s a story about trusting in a God who is eager to respond to my knocking.

I don’t question the reliability of my 2:00 a.m. friends at all. In fact, I have complete confidence that they would help me without a second thought. I want to see God that way too. I want to live freely in the assurance that He won’t leave me standing in the cold, pounding on His front door. I want to embrace a God who is good and who can be trusted.

Now when I talk to God, I’m not approaching a door, doubting that I’ll be invited inside. I’m approaching a door knowing that all I have to do is knock and He’ll open it wide, fresh baked bread waiting.

these bruises make for better conversation

Today a new friend asked me a question that took me off guard and brought a surge of memories, relationships, feelings and fears to the surface...memories that I try to forget.

We were working on a project, and my friend asked how a tough situation in my past had affected me. I stumbled around for a second, trying to find the right words to say. "I, I don't know," I stuttered.  Over the next few milliseconds, my brain froze. Do I tell this new person deep, raw information about myself, my fears? Or just put on my game face, sweep it under the rug, and give the answers people usually want to hear? Before I could hesitate any longer, I leaped.

"No, I do know. I do know how it affected me." In many ways, that particular tough situation still does affect me to my core, shaking the contents of my heart and brain around like building blocks in a dryer. Loud and uncomfortable. Painful. That's why I don't let myself bring it to the surface. I trick myself into believing that the deeper I bury the reality of how I was affected, I will protect myself. That, however, only does more internal damage.

That initial question trailed into a full-blown, 30-minute conversation that felt more like a wrestling match inside my head. What this person was asking me about required me to reveal my true thoughts...something I'm often not willing to do.

"So, what sets you off?" my friend asked.

"Not knowing where I stand with people," I replied.

"What do you mean?"

Over the past seven years, I've lived in a season of change. Good, frustrating, annoying, humiliating, scary change. In this season, I have really, really struggled with trusting, loving and forgiving people. One minute, they love you and the next you're out like last year's fashion wondering what went wrong. Through that, I've learned to protect myself by building walls around my heart, not opening up honestly to people, masking my emotions with my "game face," and constantly living with the feeling of walking on a tight rope, afraid that it will snap at any given point.

Truth is, we've all got bruises.

Every person that has been woven into the story of my life was written in for a reason. It may have only been for a chapter, or even just a page, but they were written into my story. Sometimes I don't like why their character was suddenly pulled out of my life or the situation surrounding it. And there are times when I just seriously want other characters erased forever from my memory. But those lives that have intersected with mine are significant. They have bruises too.

"How do you let people know where you stand with them?"

That question threw me back. I had honestly never thought about it before. I am so consumed with how people treat me, figuring out their agenda, or deciding if they're honest or not, that I'm missing what I'm communicating to them--and ultimately myself. I'm missing out on the fact that I'm not being honest either, wearing my mask like I'm living in some gaudy masquerade ball, hiding my feelings because I'm too afraid that if I'm honest I'll just get burned like every other time I've opened up.

After our conversation, I struggled, letting questions tumble around in my head: did I answer the questions the right way? Should I have answered differently? Does my friend think I'm a total loser when it comes to the people department? I mean, I work in a church! Shouldn't I be a pro at dealing with people?

I grabbed my car keys, started the ignition, and began to drive home, questions still shaking around in my brain like animated iPhone apps. When the radio came on, the first lyrics to reach my ears were from Train's new album. Floored, overwhelmed and actually, relieved, I listened to the sweet words entering my ears, "These bruises make for better conversation, loses the vibe that separates. It's good to let you in again. You're not alone in how you've been. Everybody loses--we all got bruises."

My story is significant and worth more than shoving down the drain. Yes, I've been bruised. But so have the people who have bruised me. It's time to let people in again. Breathe in. Breathe in and out again. I'm pretty sick of always putting on my "game face" and trying to hide my story, my past--it just took taking a leap and answering really hard questions as rawly as I could to see that.

To my friend, keep the tough questions coming. We've all got bruises.

friends are like chocolate

Last night I learned something pretty cool & so entirely true: friends are like chocolate--you can never have too many & they're food for the soul.

I'm learning that relationships are an extremely important part of LIVING...so important that we were designed

to do life with other people.

We are better together.

Life is sweeter together.

We need each other.

ReFRESH: Chocolate-Covered Conversations at Church of Hope was an absolute blast filled with loads of chocolate, fresh flowers, lots of laughter, the rekindling of many friendships as well as the budding of new ones.

Life surely is sweeter together.

Proceed With Caution

Warning: Only read the following statement if you're ready for a heart-wrenching, prospective-altering, throw-you-upside-down kind of truth headed straight for your heart & soul.

Ok, now that you've been fairly warned (and if you're choosing to proceed), check out the statement that keeps tumbling around in my head like a ton of bricks thrown into the clothes dryer:

"I want to have fewer rules & fewer conditions on how other people should live. Instead, more understanding, more space, more grace." - Shauna Niequist via Twitter

Wow. Really, that's all I've got to say. Rather than try to come up with something clever to expound on this statement, I'm going to just sit & allow it to permeate my heart. God, help me become a woman who overflows with grace.

She's Got a Love Like Woa

Newsflash: in case you didn't notice, today is this special day where all of those mushy PDA things happen. You know, boys send flowers to girls, buy them teddy bears, and pray that they'll be their one true valentine. Are you getting the picture yet? Today is VALENTINE'S DAY!

No, I'm not going to profess my ardent, passionate love for a certain someone special via Blogger, Facebook, Twitter, or Tumblr today; but I am going to say a big THANK YOU to the people in my life who truly do hold a special place in my heart. 1 Corinthians 13 tells me that I'm "bankrupt without love." I think God takes loving people pretty seriously.

To all of my family, friends, and mentors, THANK YOU. Thank you for loving me, supporting me, encouraging me, praying for me, and telling me hard words even when I don't necessarily want to hear them. You make me better. Today, (even though I will make sure to tell you every day!) I want you to know that I love you! Thank you for loving me for me!

Easier to Write

Can I be honest? It's a lot easier to write all of this stuff than it is to actually live it out.

Shocked? Ah, you shouldn't be. For me, writing is like second nature. I write what I am learning--things that God is teaching me down this dusty trail called life.

It's easy to pick up my pen and jot down my thoughts in ink. There's just something about those permanent blue letters on a crisp, white piece of paper that makes me feel better (Yep, I officially sound like a nerd. Oh well!). When I write, everything makes a little more sense; however, everything I write about always seems to kick into high gear in my life as well.

Prince Charming. Cinderella. Boy meets Girl. Happily Ever After. Boxes of Chocolate. Red Roses. Newsflash: in case you didn't know, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. It is some sort of special day set aside for boys to buy some special girl a box of chocolate and a dozen roses. And then there are those girls who go buy chocolate for themselves, but we'll skip that seemingly unimportant little detail right now! Let's all admit it, if we are truly being honest, you either love Valentine's Day, hate it, or just really don't care (Most girls I know tend to lean towards one side or the other though). You love it if you do have that knight in shining armor beckoning you his way, gallantly pursuing your heart. You tend to hate it if it seems like all of your friends have their Prince Charming and you are left at home, making yourself mac'n'cheese watching re-runs of Ever After and 27 Dresses while drowning your sorrows in a carton of chocolate ice-cream. And then, you may just really not care. Who needs a guy anyways? Just sayin'.

Does one day out of 365 really need to affect us--me--this much? Why should I have such intense feelings about a single day? So what if a guy doesn't ask me to the movies or dinner on this particular day. Does that make me any less of a woman? Not at all! Easy to write. You bet ya. Hard to live and believe every day. Oh yeah. Guess what: I am a living, breathing girl who goes through the same things that you do. I walk through the hallways of a college campus. I am pursuing a career. I have a part-time job. I have close friends who I love hanging out with. I love Jesus Christ with all of my heart and am striving passionately to live for Him. I also have the same emotions that we all go through. Who doesn't want to be named the prom queen? Who doesn't want to be asked out? Who doesn't want to be looked at as "beautiful"? Just so you know, you are not alone. But for me, I want to do something from now on to change. I want to truly live out those things that are just easier to write out on paper.

"For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and set me on my high places. He teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze." Psalm 18:31-34

"Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all day." Psalm 25:4-5

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord!"Psalm 27:14

These verses give me hope. I know that with God, I can do anything. This is one of those things that is easy to write about. Now I need to put it into action. If I truly believe that with God I can do anything, then shouldn't the 14th of February be a great day regardless of what I do or don't do? If I truly believe that God is crazy, passionately, hilariously in love with me, then shouldn't I walk like a woman empowered by that kind of love?

How can I get there? How can I move from simply writing these words on a page to actually applying them in my life? I think Matthew 16:24-27 spells it out pretty clearly:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done."

Making the shift from dried-up ink to the actions of my heart requires sacrifice. A Man who loved me enough to shed His very blood for me is crying out, "Emily, pick up your cross and follow me." You see, this man thinks I am crazy beautiful. He says that I am enough. I don't have to change to win His approval. I don't have to dress a certain way to earn His love. All I have to do is be me, who He created me to be: simply emily. And honestly, that sounds really good. I'm sick of looking at magazines and trying to be something that I'm not. I love that for Jesus, I am beautiful the way I am. With Him, I don't have to be anything more or anything less. That's refreshing...and a sigh of relief! Aren't you sick of trying so hard to live up to the world's so-called standards? Aren't you exhausted from over-analyzing everything from how you look to what people think about you? I know I sure am. I am so ready to move from the ink on the page to the actions of my heart.

Was this post easy? Um, honestly, not really. Being transparent and honest isn't always easy, but it is certainly one of the best ways to start moving your heart towards action. Anything you need to be honest with Jesus about today? It's a great day to start. Why not today, this "day of love," talk to your Creator about what's going on. There is a Man who is passionately, ridiculously, endlessly, hilariously in love with you. His name is Jesus Christ. The choice is up to you. Do you want a life that is easier to write on paper because it's just too hard to actually live it? Or do you want a life that is marked by more than just mere written words...a life marked by how you lived?

Valentine's Day is Over-Rated

Moon roof open, windows down, radio on. Just another typical morning on my way to American History--driving through open horse country, singin' along, & enjoying the scenery! So, this song, "Two Is Better Than One," comes on (Cute song! Plus Taylor Swift performs it in, so you can't go wrong!). After the song ends, the radio announcer starts talking...

"Yeah, I bet you don't want to hear that song if you don't have anyone this Valentine's Day. That's depressing. You better make sure that you find someone in time for next Valentine's Day!"

OK....first thought: what is this guy thinking?!!! Then it went to: oh goodness he's right!!! I do need to find someone to buy me chocolate. And ended with: this is absolutely PATHETIC!Here's my question: Why does it seem like Valentine's Day is simply about having a relationship--any kind--just so that you can say you weren't "alone"?

Sadly, today, it seems like we are searching for one-time flings for a day just to say we have plans or were asked out rather than thinking long term. Paradigm shift here: relationships are not meant to be temporary fixes to our seemingly huge problems. Relationships are meant to last (I'm talking both friendships and romantic relationships here). God does not put people in our lives for us to carelessly use and throw away when we are all done. His plan and purpose for love--genuine love--is not for us to find a guy who is willing to spend $5 on a box of chocolate and pick up a dozen roses in order to take us on a one-time fling. I don't know about you, but I'm not interested in or looking for a guy who just wants someone's name to fill into an empty spot in his outlook. I'm looking for a man who is a servant and a warrior--a man who seeks after Jesus first and foremost. I come second. Period. End of story.

Sound pretty straightforward? Well, yeah. I don't know how else to put it! Valentine's Day is about so much more than finding a dinner date. Valentine's Day is not something to be dreaded if you are "single." Valentine's Day is a day where we can radiate the love of Christ--just like any other day! It doesn't matter if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend on this particular day of the year or not. God's word makes it pretty clear: "Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you're ready." (Song of Songs 2:7) Not sure if you can get any more clear than that!

Goal for Valentine's Day? Let Christ shape and mold my heart....not search for a guy to temporarily hold it.

Just a thought.

My LoveLife Revealed...

If you follow me on Twitter, you were probably bombarded with witty Tweets on relationships this past Saturday. CRU @ UF hosted Mark Driscoll's LoveLife Conference on Saturday, Feb. 5th, and let me tell you, it was way worth the endless supply of witty comments. Mark's insights gave me a lot to think about...

@PastorMark: "The average guy plays 2.5 hrs of video games a day. That's not sin. Neither is eating your lawn mower. It's just stupid." #obvi

@PastorMark: "Two things make a man sexy: a Bible and a job."#lovelifetips

@PastorMark: "Don't get in a serious dating relationship until you're in a season when you're ready to be married."

Wow. Talk about the truth behind this statement. Personally, I am in a season where many of my friends are in serious relationships, talking about marriage, getting engaged, and are planning their weddings. Talk about a time shock! I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I'll be 20-years-old this year! When Mark said this, it resonated inside of me. Just because many of my friends are in this stage in my life does not mean that I am in that stage yet. And that's perfectly ok.

@PastorMark: "If you're dating more than one girl, you're a player. Which is the Greek word for douche bag." #sorryboys

@PastorMark: "Ultimately, marriage is about friendship."

That statement is so, so true. It's far too easy to get caught up in the butterflies, spontaneity, and romantic dates, but on the day that you hit rock bottom by reaching the end of your rope, only your deepest, truest friend can be there to help. Excuse my brutal honesty here, but someone you use just for steamy make-out sessions won't be there to hold your hand when you find out that your Mom has cancer. That guy just using you to fulfill his cravings won't care when you find out that you didn't get into the school of your dreams. But your best friend will be there. He'll be the one by your side in the thick of the battle. A statement I heard once in a movie has just stuck inside my head & I plan on keeping it there, "Love is friendship on fire." I don't know about you, but when I think about the scope and sequence of my life, I know that I don't want to marry someone simply to check it off the proverbial bucket list. I want to marry my best friend...someone I know that I can't go another sixty years without.

@PastorMark: "Intimacy is more than a physical collision, it's a heart connection." #songofsolomon

A close friend once wisely told me, "Emily, you'll know he's not the right guy for you when you know that you can live without him. If, however, you know that you can't live a day without him by your side, then he's the man for you." Please hear me on this, I am by no means saying that a man replaces Jesus being by your side. If you are a Christ-follower, you can hold true to the promise that Jesus Christ will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). He will most definitely be there in your weakest and darkest moments. This post is just some girl-to-girl advice when it comes to this whole relationships thing (and for you guys reading, you can take these words to heart too!). Intimacy with a guy (or for your guy-readers, a girl) is so much more than sex. To truly have an intimate relationship, you have to be connected on every level--emotionally, spiritually, mentally, relationally, and physically. It's all about oneness.

@MyLoveLife: God is good and He can be TRUSTED. #insidescoop

I've heard it said that timing is everything, and I would have to agree. God's timing is perfect. My God is a good God and He can be trusted. He can be trusted in every area of my life...including my love life. Trust isn't a word that allows room for choice. It doesn't let one pick and choose different areas to work on or avoid. Trust is a hanging on word. I'm choosing to hang onto the very God who created my heart and the desires that come with it. And that, my friends is my LoveLife revealed.

Wrong About Love

i have been wrong about love for a while now.

Love is not about me and never will be. When I try to make loving others about what I can gain in return, it isn't really love. That's selfishness.

In 1 Corinthians 13, Christ maps out exactly what love looks like. According to God's Word, we are nothing without love. Paul even goes on to say that we need to love as if our lives depended on it (1 Corinthians 14:1).

love never gives up.

love cares more for others than for self.

love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

love doesn't strut,

doesn't have a swelled head,

doesn't force itself on others,

isn't always "me first,"

doesn't fly off the handle,

doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

doesn't revel when others grovel,

takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

puts up with anything,

trusts God always,

always looks for the best,

never looks back,

but keeps going to the end.

If I'm honest, I haven't been loving like that. Love has been about "me first" and has kept score of the wrongs done to me. It's amazing to think that I thought I had forgiven those who have hurt me, yet I was still walking around with that weight on my shoulders. By holding onto my hurt, rather than truly and fully forgiving those who've hurt me, I developed a pride and selfishness in my heart that said, "Emily, look out for yourself. Help those who can help you in return. Love those who will love you back. Then you won't get hurt again." This past Sunday at Church of Hope, we had the opportunity to be the mercy seat to those we need to forgive. We literally wrote on a wall, "God, i forgive..."

After writing those words on that wall this weekend, emotions poured out of me that I had suppressed for years. I had thought in my mind that simply saying, "I forgive _________" meant that I had forgiven them; however, writing on that wall made my decision of mercy concrete. I saw it in black and white for the first time and it rocked my world. At that moment, I saw a level of my heart that I had tried to mask--I have been selfishly loving for personal benefit.

When God brought 1 Corinthians 13 to my attention, I thought I already knew what it said. When I read it again this weekend, though, I realized that I had missed the point entirely. Love is so different that how I have imagined it to be. I thought love was a task to be completed. In reality, love is a lifestyle to be adopted. Love is a completeness from the One who completes me and makes me who I am. I cannot truly love others until I have experienced this amazing love myself. When I realize that the Creator of those beautiful stars loves me with a passionate and unconditional love, how can I not praise Him? How can I not pursue Him--and passionately at that? When I choose to focus my eyes on Christ alone, I can truly love. When I try to love out of my own strength, I am loving others for my own benefit--and that's not love according to the One who created love. That's love according to the world who modified it. Love reaches outside of myself to a dying world that needs to experience the same forgiveness that Christ extended to me on the cross.

Lord, thank you for waking me up! I do not want to live focused on myself. I want to live according to the purpose that you created me for. I want to love people because they are your sons and daughters. I want to love truly and genuinely. Help me to care more about others than I do about myself. Root out the pride and selfishness in my heart, and make me a woman after Your heart alone. Help me to offer mercy and forgiveness to those who have hurt me. Thank you for completing me. I love you.

I am not God. I cannot change on my own. Christ alone can change this heart of mine. Through His power and guidance, I'm making a U-turn and walking down the path of truly loving people.

"Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of these three is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13, the message

Friends Are Refreshing. Seriously. The Bible Says So!

"Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul." Proverbs 27:9, the Message

Coffee dates. Panera lunches. Inside jokes. Class schedules. Movie nights. Bonfires. Long talks. Texting. Book swaps. Sleepovers. Sharing clothes. Favorite TV shows. Advice. Bible studies. Walking with God. Learning and growing. Doing life together.


Have you ever noticed that a true, strong, rock-solid friendship takes time to develop and grow? Sometimes I feel like I search so much for just one good, solid friend--you know what I mean. Someone who understands how I think; someone who has the same convictions and morals that I do. Someone who doesn't live their life flippantly, but rather lives with purpose for Christ. God has blessed me tremendously with several close friends. Is this number large? No. In fact it's rather small. Outside of my sister (who can read me like a book!), I have a very small group of close girl friends. But this small circle knows me--inside and out. They help me grow and learn. They challenge me. One of my closest friends is reading through the Bible with me this year. At the end of the day we both know that we are going to hold each other accountable & ask if we read that day. We talk about what God is showing us as we read & ask each other questions. It is refreshing. Two of my closest friends can also read me like a book. They know where I stand in my convictions and standards and tell me when something's not best. I love that. It rejuvenates me.


It is really easy to rush into friendships, share everything in your heart with that other person, and then get burned in the end. I think of these "friendships" as Short-Cut Friends. This type of friend isn't really in it for you. It's all about her. Ouch. Yeah, but we all know what this looks and feels like. How do you know if you are investing all of your time in a short-cut relationship?

1. Does your friend play tennis in conversation? Meaning, does she ask you questions back? Or do the conversations revolve solely around her? If this is the case you probably won't get good advice or accountability in your own life. There needs to be a good balance--both of you sharing and learning from each other, not a one-sided deal.
2. If your friend has a boyfriend, does it feel awkward when the three of you hang out? Do you feel the pressure to have a boyfriend if you don't have one? When you are with her and her boyfriend, does it feel like you are being excluded?
3. Does she challenge you in your walk with Christ? Or are the conversations centered solely around drama, drama, drama? Which do you think is healthier?
4. Did your extremely close friendship & calling each other bffs seem like it happened overnight? If so, take time to slow things down. Really get to know your friend. As you get to know each other, you will obviously grow closer to each other and you can help each other grow. A good, solid friendship takes time. It doesn't happen overnight or through short-cuts.

Forever Friends are quite different. These are the kind of friends that won't last simply from January to May. Forever friends last a lifetime. These are the girls that you graduate college with, plan your wedding with, share baby showers with--do life with! What are the signs of a forever friend?

1. Does she have the same mind-set as you? This is so important. If she doesn't share the same values as you, then how could she challenge you to grow? For example, let's say you are waiting for the right guy to come along & your friend currently has a boyfriend. She obviously wants you to be happy too. So you both are walking on campus one day and she spots a guy she knew in high school. "He is so hot! You two should totally go out!" Warning signs should be flashing in your head. What does she know about his character? There is much more to starting a relationship than good looks. Rather, a friend with the same mind-set as you would understand that you are waiting for God's perfect man for you & just let you be comfy in that. And if she knows a guy of great character she could definitely talk to God about him for you!
2. Does she challenge you in your walk with Christ? Forever friendship is about much more than lolly pops and butterflies. Forever friendships are meant to last. Someone who pulls you closer to God has your best interests at heart. If your friend is running towards God with everything she's got and encouraging you along as well, why wouldn't you want to spur each other on for the rest of your lives?!
3. Do you feel like you can truly be yourself around her? This is extremely important. You can't put on a mask around someone who is going to be your forever friend. Can you hang out with her in sweats without a trace of make-up on or do you feel like you need to impress her? If so, then you might want to check your friendship status. You should be able to be genuine around her.
4. Did your friendship happen overnight or did it develop beautifully, like the awakening of a budding rose? You see, a rose takes time to grow and then when it finally buds and opens up, it is beautiful. If you were to try to rush it, the flower just wouldn't be as pretty or able to survive as well. The same is true of our friendships. Make sure you let them take time to bud and grow. Guard your heart. Be careful in what you say. Girls can be vicious. Really get to know your friend and earn each other's trust before you open up your full heart to her.
5. Have you talked to God about her? I have found in my own friendships that the ones that are lasting are the ones that I bring into the thrown room of Christ. I lay these girls who are so precious to my heart before Christ and ask Him to be the protector of our friendship. As I have done this, I have found that my friendships with my forever friends has grown even deeper. If you don't find yourself praying for your friend(s) or your feel yourself just getting wrapped up in "them," then it might be time to check and see if they are truly a short-cut friend or a forever friend.

Friendships can be tricky. They can be sticky and messy and sometimes pretty painful. Sometimes you may pray for a friend and really believe that you will be forever friends and then all of the sudden she changes. Yes, life happens. But we need to trust God no matter what anyone says or does to us. While friendships can be painful, they are also extremely rewarding. They require you to take a risk--really get to know someone. Sometimes it requires you to be a lion-chaser. At the end of the day, it goes back to you and God. Are you seeking Him with your entire heart & are you learning how to be a forever friend?

Guarding My Crazy Heart

Have you ever noticed just how hard it is to control your emotions? C'mon! You know exactly what I mean. You see that hot, stud of a guy walk by you on your way to class and your heartbeat quickens just a little bit. You pick up the latest copy of Seventeen, see what the "latest" look is and begin frantically trying to find quarters and dimes in your couch so you can afford that next $100 pair of jeans. Our hearts can become quite a sticky mess pretty easily that's for sure.


Let's be honest here. Wait, first you may want to brace yourself. Sit down. Grab a cup of sweet tea. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Good....OK, ready? We need to guard our hearts. I know, I know. I hear ya, "That's what I needed to brace myself for? I thought you were going to say I needed to gouge my eyes out when I daydream about that gorgeous lifeguard or something!" Ah, no. No eye-gouging here. I like to see thank you very much! Guarding our hearts is actually not as easy as it sounds. You can't just put up a brick wall with an iron gate around your heart and think that will do the trick. Unfortunately we can't guard ourselves with a castle wall and moat system (Too bad...there are some things I would love to throw to the alligators!). So what in the world am I talking about here? Hang on!

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23, NIV

Obviously the Proverbs writer thought that our hearts are pretty important. He says above all else, meaning to make it your #1 priority. He says that our heart is actually the wellspring of life. Basically he is saying that everything about us stems from our hearts--our thoughts, actions, attitudes, desires, words, and wishes. We can think of our hearts as a vault in a palace where the Queen's most precious diamonds are kept safe. There are guards whose entire job is to make sure that the vault is kept safe and secure, unharmed by negative influences. Our hearts are the exact same way. Your heart is a vault storing rare and beautiful treasures. Treasures of your emotions, feelings, thoughts, loves, desires, attitudes, etc. You wouldn't want just anything or anyone influencing those gems would you? Would you want just any cowboy Casanova to ride on in and steal your heart? I don't think so. Only prince charming should be allowed to enter those walls!


Negative influences vs. positive influences. How could you even begin to define what you should allow in and out of your heart? Good news! The Proverbs writer goes on to tell us....

Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil. Proverbs 4:24-27, NIV

I think a lot of what goes on with our heart condition has to do with what we are focusing on. The Proverbs writer seems to think so too. He specifically mentions what we look at, or in other words, what we focus intently on--what our eyes are fixated on. What you are looking at is where you are headed. So if you are focusing on that jerk of a guy simply because his muscles bugle out of his arms and his faces resembles that of Channing Tatum, then you are headed towards heartbreak. I'm not guy-bashing here. This is something that is extremely easy for us girls to fall prey to. We notice a guy for his looks and are attracted to him solely on that basis. Sadly, even after girls do get to know a guy and see what his true character looks like it is only after their heart has become involved--crushes can be dangerous things! The same scenario is true for virtually everything that we allow into our hearts and minds. If you focus on believing that you are fat, you are walking towards low self-esteem and possible depression. How and what we focus on makes all the difference. The Proverbs writer also says do not swerve to the right or the left. He is saying that our hearts are such a big deal that we can't treat them flippantly anymore. This has to be a priority.


I've decided something. Well, actually, I am definitely still in the process of learning and growing in it, but I am deciding to just jump and do it. I'm giving my heart away. Huh? Yep, you heard me correctly. I'm giving my heart away. My prayer is simply this: "Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above." I'm giving God my heart. You see, I can't guard my heart. I'm just not strong enough. When I see that guy, my heart does beat faster. When I see that big, juicy cheeseburger my heart totally wants it. When I look in the mirror, I don't always like what I see. I can't humanly do it. But I do know someone who can. The amazing thing is, He wants to take my heart and guard it for me. By allowing Jesus total access and control to my heart, my vault of gems, I am allowing Him to be in control of my life. I'm giving Him the keys and letting Him steer me in whichever direction He wants me to go. So now, when I look at that guy, I talk to God about how I am feeling. When I see that cheeseburger I ask God to be my comfort instead of food. When I look in the mirror I thank God because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. This keeps my heart and emotions in line. By giving God 100% control, my emotions can't run wild. I know when I try to take control by how I respond to those triggers in my heartstrings. When my emotions do start running crazy, I have to stop and give the key to my heart back to God. Simple? Definitely not. Worth it? You bet.


I want to take my crazy heart seriously, so for me I need a visual reminder--something to constantly remind me that God holds my heart. To do this, I have a ring that I wear on my ring finger. I used to wear a traditional "true love waits" ring, but after I found this one I just knew it was perfect. To me, this ring symbolizes God holding my heart. Since I am His daughter, I am His princess--thus the crown on top of the heart. Every time I look at my hand and see this ring, it just helps me remember to let God have control of this crazy heart of mine.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23, NIV

Little Conversations

Have you ever gone to a social event where you didn't really know anyone? Or maybe you have gone to youth group or church and none of your friends showed up! What did you do? Did you go sit in a corner, sulk, and gripe that you were the "lonely outcast"? Or did you reach out, meet new people, and learn from little conversations?


It is never easy to be on the "outside looking in," as the popular saying goes. But what do people mean by this statement? Half of the time we are on the outside because of our own fear and insecurities. It is not easy to step out and initiate a conversation with someone that you don't know, but with practice it can get easier!

Have you ever thought that maybe you are supposed to go to social events to encourage others? Events held for your youth group are not held for you to be entertained. They are held for you to reach out and love those around you--even the people that you don't know very well. You don't know what goes on behind the masks that other people wear. People around you are hurting and desperate for someone to love them for who they are, not what they do or who they hang out with. That someone who loves them unconditionally can be you. All you have to do is take a deep breath, walk over, and say hello.

Easy Conversation Starters:

• Hi, my name is Emily. What's your name?


• I go to Forest High School. Where do you go to school?


• What grade are you in? I am going to be a senior this year. I am so excited to graduate!


• Do you play any sports? I enjoy swimming and spinning classes.


• What is your favorite food?


• Do you have any brothers or sisters? I have one little sister--she is awesome!

Just think of talking with someone as if you were playing tennis. You hit the ball into their court and then they have to hit it back. So, you begin the match with a "hello, what's your name?" They hit the ball back with "my name is Katie, what's your name?" And you keep playing from there.

Be open to the little conversations that God brings your way today. You just might be surprised where they come up!