Lessons Learned from a Cowboy Casanova

He’s a good time cowboy Casanova leaning up against the record machine. Looks like a cool drink of water, but he’s candy-coated misery. He’s the devil in disguise, a snake with blue eyes and he only comes out at night. Gives you feelings that you don’t want to fight. You better run for your life. . .

For the record, this is not a post bashing on men. Ok, now that we have that little detail cleared up, what is my purpose for this article? To simply share the honest truth with women about a certain breed of men--the exact opposite of the warrior-servants that we are waiting for.

You better take it from me, that boy is like a disease. You’re running, you’re trying, you’re trying to hide and you’re wondering why you can’t get free. He’s like a curse, he’s like a drug. You get addicted to his love. You wanna get out but he’s holding you down ‘cause you can’t live without one more touch. . .

This is the story of a girl. She is chasing after Christ, pursuing her dreams, and reaching for her God-given abilities. She meets a guy on her college campus. This guy professes to love Christ too. In fact, his actions even point to Christ. He seems like he might even be a warrior-servant. Could he be the one she's been waiting for? They go to lunch. They start hanging out. He officially asks her on a date. She is completely flattered. Finally, she thinks she has met her prince in shining armor. But then they get to know each other a little better. While on one hand he professes Christ, on the other he acts differently around his buddies. Strange, she thought, how could she not notice this before? But why worry? He's a Christian, right? He says he loves her. She is smitten. She can't believe this guy is even giving her the time of day...he is popular on campus, a total hottie, and has charisma like no other. He opens the door for her and buys her coffee just because. He's perfect. Then she meets his family. She can't help but notice that while he is polite and kind to his mom and sister, he doesn't seem to take a true, genuine interest in their lives--like he is simply going through the motions of being congenial with them. Little odd, but he's what she's been waiting so long for, right? A couple months go by, and while he still seems "perfect," little things begin to change. He doesn't grab the door for you anymore. She notices the way he treats other girls. Maybe just a little too friendly. But, it's no big deal--it can't be. She finally found him. There could be no other guy out there for her, I mean, he's perfect. Every girl's dream guy. One night he asks her a question she never thought he would pressure her with. She reminds him of the standards they had set when they started dating months before. He looks at her, smiles, and says that he prayed about it & God told him that since she was the girl for him, and they would eventually get married anyways, it was ok. She looks into his blue eyes and drinks in his words, "I love you. Don't you love me too?" She doesn't want to start at ground one again. Really, he's perfect. Perfect looks, perfect grades, perfect personality, perfect leadership. There are only a couple things that bother her, but they aren't really that big of a deal. He lost some of his charm and chivalry, but that's normal, right? He flirts with attractive women, but "loves" only her, right? His attitude towards his mom and sister is somewhat apathetic, but he's polite. He loves her.

I see that look on your face. You ain’t hearing what I say. So I’ll say it again ‘cause I know where you been and I know how it ends: you can’t get away. Don’t even look in his eyes. He’ll tell you nothing but lies. And you wanna believe but you won’t be deceived if you listen to me and take my advice. . .

That story of a girl is all too familiar. She is walking by me everyday. I see the hurt and pain in her eyes, yet I also see her sheer addiction to his love. I want to wrap my arms around her and breathe confidence into her beautiful heart, but I know of only One who can truly breathe that confidence into her life. She will only keep walking hand-in-hand with that cowboy Casanova until she allows One Man to be the author of her romance.

Who is a Cowboy Casanova? A Casanova is a smooth-talking man who can easily talk women into what he wants them to do. The popular song bringing these Casanovas to life depicts them as the devil seeking to devour your life. While there are some men out there who do deviously plot to seduce women into their bedrooms, the majority of who you & I deal with on a daily basis are a little more subtle.

On a side note, it is extremely important to realize that men are not the only "Casanovas" out there. We women can most certainly not treat men fairly as well. In fact the Proverbs writer specifically warns men against adulterers and promiscuous women. So while we learn about characters to run from, we must also guard our hearts against thinking men are the only ones with problems. We must carry ourselves with grace, poise, and dignity, running from the immoral attributes described in Proverbs 6:20-35 and Proverbs 7.

How does a Cowboy Casanova act? You can't quite pin point every characteristic regarding Casanovas, but we can look at several key warning areas.

1. Smooth-talker. Boy, does he have a way with words. He knows exactly what to say & how to say it to capture your heart quickly.
2. He moves fast. Your relationship progresses extremely fast and you feel yourself falling head over heels for him abnormally quickly. Before you even know key parts of his character and history your heart is attached to him.
3. He is a ladies' man. Notice how he treats women in general? While you may feel special because you have an hour conversation with him on the phone, have you noticed if he treats other girls in his life this way? How many other girls is he making feel "special" right now too?
4. His mom & sisters are "side issues." In public, his mother and sisters aren't a part of who he is. He is merely polite to them because they are related. Watch out! How a guy treats his female family members definitely indicates how he can/will treat you one day.
5. Arrogance masked by "confidence." There is a huge difference between arrogance and confidence. God-confidence is marked my humility. Arrogance is marked by self over God.
6. He's always right, period. It doesn't matter if you have a certain opinion about something, what he thinks is the most important and what rules the day.

Run run away don’t let him mess with your mind. He’ll tell you anything you want to hear. He’ll break your heart. It’s just a matter of time. . .

As the lyrics above state, if the guy you are interested in or are already in a relationship with has any of the character traits above, you need to run now. First, talk to Christ. As we have been discovering this month, He needs to be the focus of your life and the author of your love story. Now it's time to take action though. I know it is hard. It's hard because your heart is tightly wrapped. I once read that an addiction is anything that you can't see yourself living without. Do you view the man in your life that way? (Even if he doesn't act like a Casanova, if you are addicted to him you are disobeying Christ. Maybe a break is in order here?)

I know this issue isn't really "easy reading." Trust me, it's not really "easy writing" either. The tune is catchy & easy to sing along to, but this area is something that we women need to start addressing. It breaks my heart seeing girls in relationships with guys who don't have their best interests at heart. God is crazy in love with you & He wants the absolute best for you. Likewise, He wants the absolute best of us for those warrior-servants out there. But we can't give our best if we are settling for less than God's best. Saying goodbye isn't easy. But maybe God wants to work on that boys life too. It's time to step aside and let God work in not only that cowboy casanova's heart, but as well as in our own.

Jesus Christ is crazy in love with you. What He does in you while you wait for His man for your life is just as important as that man you are waiting for. It isn't easy to have delayed gratification, but it is totally worth it. Please don't settle. The wait is well worth it. Trust me.

"Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you're ready." Song of Songs 2:7