Sometimes you write and write and write and then days later those words hit you like a ton of bricks. On April 4th I wrote the following words in my journal and they've given me a good reminder today, April 19th, 15 days later...
Today was full of ups and downs, standing with deer-in-the-headlights expressions, "it can't be done" excuses, & "I just figured it out" solutions. It's been a day of pounding out the sinking feeling of being overwhelmed on the concrete pavement through a few miles of sweat and Glee remixes. A day where my mental to-do list and perfection radar really, really tried to shove this concept of love out the back door. In a wave of excitement and anxiety in registering for classes, stress and worry over seemingly endless deadlines over the next three weeks and lots of little moments in-between, I know God was shouting at me: "Emily, LISTEN. I am with you! I've never left you. I love you. I see you. I have a plan for you. There's a whole lot more to life than the way you allow your emotions to let you live. Trust me. Love people. Engage in stories--your story."
I'm going to sleep in peace, closing my eyes thankful for imperfection and the opportunity to just live. I've got to let go--keep my head up, let my hair down, wear my cowgirl boots, sing loud in the car, really taste and savor the rich flavor of coffee, listen deeply to KT, pray passionately, seek Jesus more than anything, write like I can never express enough, run like there's no finish line, take time to pick flowers and really care & invest in the constant people in my life--care about being as kind to them as I am to the barista at Starbucks.
I'm letting my hair down & living wild and free.
"And the sweetest thing that you'll ever see in the whole, wide world is a happy girl." -Martina McBride