The past few days I have just really been struggling and then today God pointed me in the direction of Psalm 139. Do you ever feel invisible or just not quite good enough? I know I have sure felt that way! A couple minutes ago as I was reading the special words of Psalm 139, God whispered reassuringly, "I am with you. I have always been with you. I created you and you are good enough. I already knew that you were going to struggle today, but today is a part of my process of refining you and shaping you into who I want you to be." You see, I can walk the hallways at school and feel invisible and like I'm not pretty enough, smart enough, or "cool" enough, but worrying about all of that wouldn't do me any good. All of those worries racing around in my head are lies. Lies planted there by the devil. He wants me to fail. He wants me to wallow in self-pity. I must make the deliberate decision to fight against those feelings of depression and believe me that is not easy! I would rather feel sorry for myself and eat a tub of ice-cream! But the process of God shaping me into who He wants me to be has to be painful. Ouch.....did I really say that? Yep. When a dancer stretches and tries to become more flexible, pain is involved. After a couple weeks of intense pain, she finally reaches her goal. She can now do the splits, but that was only a result of fighting through the pain. Life is the same way. Curve balls are thrown at us all the time. How we respond to those curve balls is so important. God is shaping me today and at first I didn't want to budge off the couch of self-pity, but Psalm 139 has shown me that not only am I created beautifully, but also that I am not alone.
O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.