No More Sorta Kindas

Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter...not knowing the value of its use to me. Arteries so clogged with my will, it blocked His will from flowing through me. So I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack that flat-lined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back. Through my ignorance He saw, so through my sternum He sawed and cracked open my chest to transplant Psalm 51:10....a new heart & a renewed right spirit within. So now I fully understand, better yet I thoroughly comprehend how much I need to wait for you.

I won't settle for false companionship...

Easier to Write

Can I be honest? It's a lot easier to write all of this stuff than it is to actually live it out.

Shocked? Ah, you shouldn't be. For me, writing is like second nature. I write what I am learning--things that God is teaching me down this dusty trail called life.

It's easy to pick up my pen and jot down my thoughts in ink. There's just something about those permanent blue letters on a crisp, white piece of paper that makes me feel better (Yep, I officially sound like a nerd. Oh well!). When I write, everything makes a little more sense; however, everything I write about always seems to kick into high gear in my life as well.

Prince Charming. Cinderella. Boy meets Girl. Happily Ever After. Boxes of Chocolate. Red Roses. Newsflash: in case you didn't know, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. It is some sort of special day set aside for boys to buy some special girl a box of chocolate and a dozen roses. And then there are those girls who go buy chocolate for themselves, but we'll skip that seemingly unimportant little detail right now! Let's all admit it, if we are truly being honest, you either love Valentine's Day, hate it, or just really don't care (Most girls I know tend to lean towards one side or the other though). You love it if you do have that knight in shining armor beckoning you his way, gallantly pursuing your heart. You tend to hate it if it seems like all of your friends have their Prince Charming and you are left at home, making yourself mac'n'cheese watching re-runs of Ever After and 27 Dresses while drowning your sorrows in a carton of chocolate ice-cream. And then, you may just really not care. Who needs a guy anyways? Just sayin'.

Does one day out of 365 really need to affect us--me--this much? Why should I have such intense feelings about a single day? So what if a guy doesn't ask me to the movies or dinner on this particular day. Does that make me any less of a woman? Not at all! Easy to write. You bet ya. Hard to live and believe every day. Oh yeah. Guess what: I am a living, breathing girl who goes through the same things that you do. I walk through the hallways of a college campus. I am pursuing a career. I have a part-time job. I have close friends who I love hanging out with. I love Jesus Christ with all of my heart and am striving passionately to live for Him. I also have the same emotions that we all go through. Who doesn't want to be named the prom queen? Who doesn't want to be asked out? Who doesn't want to be looked at as "beautiful"? Just so you know, you are not alone. But for me, I want to do something from now on to change. I want to truly live out those things that are just easier to write out on paper.

"For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and set me on my high places. He teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze." Psalm 18:31-34

"Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all day." Psalm 25:4-5

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord!"Psalm 27:14

These verses give me hope. I know that with God, I can do anything. This is one of those things that is easy to write about. Now I need to put it into action. If I truly believe that with God I can do anything, then shouldn't the 14th of February be a great day regardless of what I do or don't do? If I truly believe that God is crazy, passionately, hilariously in love with me, then shouldn't I walk like a woman empowered by that kind of love?

How can I get there? How can I move from simply writing these words on a page to actually applying them in my life? I think Matthew 16:24-27 spells it out pretty clearly:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done."

Making the shift from dried-up ink to the actions of my heart requires sacrifice. A Man who loved me enough to shed His very blood for me is crying out, "Emily, pick up your cross and follow me." You see, this man thinks I am crazy beautiful. He says that I am enough. I don't have to change to win His approval. I don't have to dress a certain way to earn His love. All I have to do is be me, who He created me to be: simply emily. And honestly, that sounds really good. I'm sick of looking at magazines and trying to be something that I'm not. I love that for Jesus, I am beautiful the way I am. With Him, I don't have to be anything more or anything less. That's refreshing...and a sigh of relief! Aren't you sick of trying so hard to live up to the world's so-called standards? Aren't you exhausted from over-analyzing everything from how you look to what people think about you? I know I sure am. I am so ready to move from the ink on the page to the actions of my heart.

Was this post easy? Um, honestly, not really. Being transparent and honest isn't always easy, but it is certainly one of the best ways to start moving your heart towards action. Anything you need to be honest with Jesus about today? It's a great day to start. Why not today, this "day of love," talk to your Creator about what's going on. There is a Man who is passionately, ridiculously, endlessly, hilariously in love with you. His name is Jesus Christ. The choice is up to you. Do you want a life that is easier to write on paper because it's just too hard to actually live it? Or do you want a life that is marked by more than just mere written words...a life marked by how you lived?

What Happened to all the Guys?!

Is chivalry dead? What happened to my knight in shining armor? Are girls really supposed to take the lead when it comes to relationships?


Two of my close friends and I began a new tradition in college. Once a week we all meet at my house to eat dinner and just talk about what is going on in each other's lives. Lately it feels like our conversations are centered primarily on guys....and the lack of them! What do I mean? All three of us have a certain criteria that we are looking for in a godly man. He must first and foremost love Jesus with his entire being. But secondly, he must also be a strong leader. He needs to be the initiator in the relationship and lead it to where God wants it to go.


Lately we have noticed in our own lives that it seems like chivalry is dead. What do I mean by that? You know, when guys were gentlemen and held doors open for women or stood up when a young lady entered the room. There once was a time when men would jump up to gladly offer their seat to a woman. The technical definition of chivalry is "the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms." A chivalrous man is in other words a gentleman. But the kind of man that we, as godly young women, are waiting for is much more than just a mere gentleman. The man that we are holding out for is a man of corosso. Corosso is the Greek word for character. The meaning of character here is much deeper that how we translate it today. It means to have integrity--to stand upright and pure.


What does this chivalrous man of corosso look like? This man loves God with his entire heart and strives to put Him first in everything he says and does. Secondly, he is a man of integrity and leadership. He does what is right, no matter what. He takes the lead. He is a man who loves him family. He treats women with respect and dignity. He has manners. Sound perfect? Impossible? Not perfect and not impossible, but definitely hard to imagine today.


This man seems impossible to find today. Where have the men of corosso gone?! As my friends and I dream about the future, we seriously wonder where God is hiding this breed of men. But He isn't hiding them. They are out there! We just have to wait for God to bring us together in His timing. That's what is key. "A Christ-following Hero trusts God's purposes and leads others to do the same." We need to trust that God has the perfect plan and timing to bring that special someone into our lives. A guy can never complete you and you can never complete that guy. Only Jesus Christ can define you and satisfy the desires of your heart. Allow Him to shape and mold you into the woman He wants you to be and trust Him to bring your knight in shining armor when He knows that you are ready. Patience isn't easy, but it is well worth the wait. One man who has modeled true corosso to me once said, "What God does in you while you wait is just as important as what you are waiting for." Those words definitely ring true. Chivalry is not dead. Men do still take the lead in relationships. You just have to look for it and trust that God knows what He is doing.

Looking For Love

Why are you looking for love? Why are you searching as if I'm not enough? Where will you go child? Tell me where will you run? Where will you run?


Let's be honest. Today is Valentine's Day. Some of us will be spending the day with a special someone, but still others of us will look on this day painfully. Why is that? Is love defined by a person? According to 1 Corinthians 13:3-8, "Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always 'me first,' doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies" (The Message). Not once does it say that love is a human person. Love is something that we must work at. It isn't easy. None of the definitions in 1 Corinthians 13 say that love is easy. In fact, love can be a pretty tough thing.


This past week many of my friends have been planning what they were going to do for their boyfriends and anticipating the many surprises in store for them on Valentine's Day. Some of my other friends were even asked on first-time dates! As I sat back and watched my friends' enthusiasm and excitement, I wondered about my own Valentine's Day. Who would I be spending it with? Some of my single friends were desperately looking for a date this past week--even if it was only a one-time-thing, just so that they wouldn't be alone. As I began to think about that, I knew in my heart that something just wasn't right. Why would I want to look for a date just for a day? I mean, Valentine's Day is just another day, right? So why do we put so much emphasis on loving others on this one, single day?


Tenth Avenue North sings the song, "By Your Side." This past week, one little phrase jumped out at me: "Why are you looking for love? Why are you searching as if I'm not enough?" Wow. Searching for love. Yep, that sounded pretty familiar. Being alone on Valentine's Day.....well, that isn't too popular! But I wanted to talk to Jesus about this whole dating/guy issue, so I went to our special spot and just started talking to God. I poured out all of my thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams about relationships in my own life as well as thoughts about God's plan in the midst of these relationships. God distinctly brought a verse to my mind: Song of Songs 2:7, "Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe--and you're ready" (The Message). The New International Version goes like this, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." So back to the song's lyrics, why do we search for love when God's Word specifically tells us not to? Possibly because it is just too hard to wait. It isn't easy to say "no" right now in order to say "yes" for God's best. It is easy to conform to society's standards of dating, pursuing guys, and flirting flings. It just isn't easy to say no.


Honestly, it all comes down to a matter of trust and control. Amy Carmichael once said, "It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desire which He creates." God created you to desire love and affirmation, but that comes in His perfect timing. In order to allow this to happen, you must trust Him completely. Waiting for His timing isn't easy though. I completely understand. At times it is even pretty frustrating! It is easy to struggle with self-doubts and to wonder if you are even good enough. In those desperate moments, remember that "what God is doing in you while you wait, is just as important as what you are waiting for." God's ultimate plan is not in making you happy. It is in making you more like Jesus. We all have to grow and growth comes in seasons and stages, but it does happen if you allow it to. Dannah Gresh and Nancy Leigh DeMoss state in their best-selling book, Lies Young Women Believe, that "God's standard of purity is high, but the rewards are worth the price of self-control." They also affirm that "The pain you feel now in the waiting will be the happiness you feel then." God does have a purpose for you. You may be in a relationship with a guy right now and that very well may be God's plan for you. But, you also may not be in a relationship right now. You may be waiting patiently wondering when God will reveal Mr. Right. Hold on tightly to Jesus' words in Song of Songs 2:7. You will be more content and satisfied if you wait for God to awaken love at the right time than if you settle for less than His best for your life.


Why are you looking for love? Why are you searching as if I'm not enough? Where will you go, child? Tell me where will you run? Where will you run? I'll be by your side wherever you fall. In the dead of night whenever you call. And please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you.


If you are by yourself this Valentine's Day, spend some time thanking Jesus for refining and shaping you into who He wants you to be. Take time to pray for Mr. Right. Thank Jesus that He will awaken love in your life at the right time. While you are in this season of waiting, make a list of what you are looking for in a godly guy and stick to your list--even the small, minute details matter! Write a love letter to your future husband. He will cherish this act of 1 Corinthians 13 love for forever. Practice what love really looks like. It doesn't come in a chocolate-covered package with a stuffed teddy bear. Love comes in the name of Jesus Christ. Trust Jesus and give Him the key to your heart....that is when love has the ability to truly blossom.

The Whole Guy/Girl Thing

Wow, we have come to an end in our guy/girl series! I wanted to leave you with some of the books and websites that I used while writing this series just in case you wanted to read up on some more information! Please let me know what you thought of this series! I conducted a poll on my blog to see what your thoughts were and 76% of you said that this series was helpful in your lives! Thank you for that! Please send me your feedback. Let me know what you liked and what you didn't like in the series. I would also love any ideas on what you would like to read about next! Just send me an email at emilybc91@yahoo.com!

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True Love Waits












Christa Taylor

Let's Talk About Sex!

Some people cringe when they hear the word "sex." Our generation as been brought up with the notion of "oh please, not another sex talk!" Seriously! Think about it. When an adult comes and says, "We need to talk about something important," and then brings up the topic of sex you get uncomfortable, start to sweat a bit, and really wish you weren't having that conversation right now. But then it is constantly shoved down our throats, "Don't have sex, don't have sex! Just in case you didn't get it the first time, DON'T HAVE SEX!" Blah, blah blah......yep, I have heard that one before! OK, so before you rule out this post, hear me out. I am not here to give you the "sex talk" one more time. I just want to state the facts.....I am on this same road with you!



Do you ever feel like we live in a world of very mixed messages? Like look at the media! Almost every movie has the hot guy who sweeps the girl off her feet and they fall madly in love, move in together, and live happily every after. That isn't how real life works. The media would love for us to believe that the next step in a relationship would be either moving in together to "test it out" or just try each other out physically just to make sure the "magic" is really there! Ah, no. You cannot find out if a certain guy is for you simply by how he kisses. There really will not be fireworks in the air and a great big neon sign that flashes "he's the one" when his kiss seals the deal. That's how Hollywood works, not real people.



How many movies, magazines, songs, and TV shows have you seen in the last year that have had the issue of sex in them? Umm, let's think about that one--too many to count, right?! Some popular items this past year would be in the cases of Juno, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, the teen "pregnancy pacts" in high schools, and the pregnancies of popular celebrities such as Jamie Lynn Spears. Sex is literally shoved into our faces and our world tells us that it is cool--everybody else is doing it, so why not? I probably won't end up pregnant anyways!



That notion is totally false! Even though you feel like you won't end up pregnant, you just might. There is no guarantee that even just experimenting with sex will leave you free of a pregnancy or a disease that lasts a lifetime. Now, these are the standard and obvious "no no's" of sex, but what defines sex?



OK, I am not going to go detailed here, but sex is intercourse with the opposite sex. Period. Intercourse. You getting with him physically. Two becoming one. God set sex apart for marriage only. Between one man and one woman. Not between multiple men and women. He wants sex to be a special present between you and your future spouse someday. Sex bonds you with another person in a way that you cannot be separated. Sex in a simple dating relationship leaves you broken and hurting. Sex in marriage leaves you fulfilled and satisfied. Hello, God created sex! It isn't something to turn red in the face about. It is something to be thankful for in the right time and place.



If I were to buy you a present, I would take special time and care to pick it out and wrap it beautifully. I would proudly give it to you and watch as you open it up and enjoy what's inside. I would not give you a thrown out piece of garbage wrapped in wrinkled, old newspapers that were stained in mud! Definitely not! The same goes for yourself. You are a treasure. Save yourself for your future husband to enjoy. Don't present yourself as someone who has been unwrapped over and over for him to get the left-overs.



What if you have already gone down the path of sex? Can you ever get your purity back? You can definitely talk to Jesus and make a 180 degree turn to walk towards sexual purity. God loves you more than anything in the world and desperately wants to re-wrap you in His special wrapping paper! He can make you brand new again!!!



There are many different sub-topics in the area of sex, but if you have been sexually abused or raped, please talk to a trusted adult woman about it. Do not carry that burden alone. In God's eyes, you are pure. It is not your fault that someone took advantage of you. Please seek help to restore your body and mind.



So I hope that you didn't feel like you were being forced into another "sex talk" while you were reading this! Sex really is an awesome thing if we use it in the right way. Be patient. Don't give yourself away to the first guy that walks your way. If he is pressuring you into sex for love, he is not worth it! Please, please, please do not fall for that trap!



Jesus loves you so much! Follow Him in this process. Believe me, you will not be disappointed!

The Dating Formula: Is There Such a Thing?

Yes, there is a formula to a great relationship. Don't believe me? It's called the "Love Dare."



This past weekend some of my friends and I went to see the new movie, Fireproof. Wow, what an amazing movie! Now, I don't want to spoil the ending just in case you haven't seen in, but I am going to give you a little background! Fireproof is about a marriage that is failing--literally. The entire movie depicts the struggle for this relationship to work out. I mean, they had been in love, yet now they couldn't stand each other. Is it possible to fall out of love with someone? I thought love lasted forever.



Not quite. "Love" doesn't last forever with no effort. Remember, love is not that gooey thing that comes in the shape of roses and chocolate! Love is defined as this: "Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always me first, doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end." (1 Corinthians 13) OK, that definition is pretty hard--no, it's not pretty hard, it is very hard! It is not easy to put up with anything, care for others more than myself, and see the best in every situation! But this is the kind of love that is needed to make a relationship "fireproof." With effort and work invested in a relationship, according to this definition of love, you cannot "fall out of love with someone." But if your love is rooted upon how your boyfriend looks or how much he buys you, then yep, you can "fall out of love" (because you aren't really loving--you are buying a small glimpse of what love can be!).



In the movie, Caleb (the man struggling in his marriage) was challenged by his dad to take this 40-day "Love Dare." This dare required him to do certain things everyday for 40 days for his wife and see how it goes. Well, in the first few days, he did not like it one bit, but as he continued working at it, his love for his wife grew stronger than it have ever been. (OK, I am stopping there in the plot of the movie--you need to go see it! I promise you this is an awesome chick flick!!!) Love according to 1 Corinthians 13 isn't easy. It takes work. It takes investment. It takes time. In your first day of being a "true lover" it won't be a walk in the park, but as you keep walking in the light of what real love is, it will become easier.



There is just one thing. You cannot demonstrate this true definition of love if you have never received it before. Hold up, you are probably thinking! No, you do not have to go find someone to act this way towards you before you can truly love others! Someone is begging to be allowed into your heart. Someone who has loved you unconditionally regardless of how you treat Him. His name is Jesus. Jesus created this true love that we are even talking about. He came to earth and died for you. He loved you even though you didn't send one glance His way. He knew you before you were born and loves you SO much more than your boyfriend ever can. He rose back to life because of His love for you. Death could not defeat Him! If you just accept His love and receive Him as your Saviour and Lord, He can fill your heart with this genuine love. All you have to do is accept Him. Go ahead, talk to Him right now. All you have to do is say something along these lines, "Jesus, I know that I have messed up a lot in my life. I have made so many mistakes. I am so sorry for how I have sinned against you. Will you please forgive me? Will you please come into my life and be my Lord and Savior? I want to show true love to those around me. But most of all, I want to experience the love that you have been trying to give to me. Thank you for saving me. Please help me to live for you. Amen." If you just asked Jesus into your heart, tell someone! Spread that love! Send me an email at emilybc91@yahoo.com and tell someone close to you!



Once you have the love of Jesus running through you, you can love others. You have experienced the true love of Jesus Christ. That is what a "formula" for this thing called dating is all about. Genuinely taking the dare to love others more than yourself only by the grace of God.



Up Next.....Let's Talk About Sex!

When to Start Dating--The Key to a Solid Relationship

Oh, the famous question, "When should I start dating?" Well, sadly I cannot give you some magic formula that gives you the perfect age and time to date, but I can give you some practical tips!



1) Check in with you parents. Your parents are pretty smart people and they have already been down the whole path of dating before! God placed your parents in your life for a reason--to guide you through the crazy ups and downs of life!
2) Look up to God. God created you and He created the perfect guy for you! He knows you inside and out. Ask God about when to start this whole process of dating. He will guide you with the "when" and the "who" of dating!
3) Set guidelines for yourself. OK, so you have talked to your parents and to God. Your parents may have given you a rule, like you aren't allowed to date until you are seventeen for example. It is your job to obey that. But you also need to set your own rules to follow. When would you like to start dating? You have already outlined what you are looking for in a guy (check out past posts). Now it is just finding that guy! Be patient, God will bring him to you in the right timing!! But for know, set guidelines in when to date, with whom and with whom you won't date, and what you will and won't do when you date.
4) Some Ideas to Get You Started.....

• Wait until you are an upperclassmen or out of high school. I realize that you may be out there at fifteen years old and wondering why in the world I would say such a thing! Well, even though you are mature in ninth grade, you still have a lot of learning to do and so do those ninth grade guys! Wait it out a little bit and make lots of friends! You will cherish those memories, believe me!
• Don't date just to date. Every person that you date is a potential person that you could marry someday. So do not date someone who you only see yourself with for a little over a month!
• Set your guidelines high and don't lower them. Like choose to remain sexually pure, wait to date until you are out of high school, save your first kiss for your wedding day, etc.
• Keep praying it up! God will guise you in this whole area of when to date! Believe me, I do not have it all figured out either, but with God's help, I know that He is guiding me through life.

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Song of Songs 2:7

It's All About The Guy--Wait, What About Him?

Photography courtesy of Cameron Ingalls

Guys, guys, guys....can't live with 'em and you just can't live without 'em! But, when getting ready to date, it is extremely important to know what kind of guy to look for......the best guy to date is not necessarily the popular jock on campus.

So, what to look for in a guy?

1. He is a follower of Jesus Christ.
2. He puts Jesus first.
3. He is a strong leader at school and youth group/church.
4. He displays obvious integrity.
5. He treats his mom and sisters as well as other women with respect.
6. He is driven and inspired--he has a plan for his life.
7. He has a good work ethic.
8. He displays good hygiene--girls, this really should be a no-brainer!
9. He displays wisdom with money and savings.
10. He is a good listener.

These are just a couple important qualities that should be on your list of what to look for in a guy, but I definitely would encourage you to sit down and write out your own list of characteristics that you look for in a guy. Then when it comes time to actually get close to a guy, compare him to your list and don't settle for less than God's best for your life. God has that guy out there who matches up with your list and you match his list. So be specific with your qualities and know that you should not and do not need to settle for any guy out there--no matter how hot he thinks he is!

Up Next......When To Start Dating: The Key to a Solid Relationship!

Modesty--Isn't That Like From the Middle Ages?

Modesty, what in the world does that mean? Garb that covers a girl head to toe? I mean, how am I supposed to breathe in that kind of set up?--Uh, no. Modesty is not "granny wear" or a black trash bag. Modesty is tastefully choosing clothing that is not only fashionable, but also protects you from heartache and from advertising what is not for sale.



The World's Version of Fashion
Yes, I know that we have fashion standards to live up to! I am a girl too!! So, what is "fashion" according to the society that we live in?

• Fashion means less is more. So, less top + more cleavage and mid-drift is awesome! Not only will guys give you more attention, but you will feel more confident about yourself!
• Tight is better. Hip-hugger jeans work best, especially when they give you constant wedgies! Just pretend you are wearing leggings. You may not be able to walk, but that's OK!
• Short skirts are better than long skirts. Long skirts were made for your conservative grandma. Your legs were made for a reason so show them off!
• Bikinis work best for the beach. And yes, tankinis and one-piece suits are for your mother and pregnant women! Show off your body!

OK, so these are just a few examples of the lies that the media throws our way. It is so hard to dig through these statements and their popularity and find the truth about what we should wear!

God's Version of Fashion

God says fashion is awesome and definitely attainable! So, how does fashion really work?

• Less is not more! It is true that showing more skin will definitely get you more attention from guys and it may give you some temporary confidence, but it will only leave you more broken and starving for attention that ever. You can still wear cute tops and be modest. Layering shirts and tank tops is a great idea!
• Tight is not better--especially for the circulation system! But honestly, spandex just bring you the wrong attention in all the wrong places. So do you want a guy who loves you for your butt or for your contagious personality? I would go with the latter!
• No, long skirts are not for grandmas! I prefer the mid-leg skirts--you know the skirts that go to about your knee. These are a perfect medium. Yes, God gave you gorgeous legs, but they are not made to be eye candy.
• Bikinis are not best. Would you walk into your local grocery store in your bra and underwear? I sure hope not! But that is basically what you are doing? And yes I know that it is difficult to find cute tankinis, but it is possible! Trust me, you will get attention in a bikini, but not lasting or important attention!

So, how could we best define modesty? Modesty is wearing clothes that glorify God and allow you to still be a part of the "fashion world" without compromising your standards. That is worth striving for!

And one important thing to remember is that guys are visually stimulated so what they see stimulates them. We need to help protect guys from falling short. Strive for guys to like you because of your deep love and confidence in Jesus Christ. That is a love that really lasts.

Up next......It's All In The Guy--Wait, What About Him?

To Flirt Or Not To Flirt, That Is The Question

Flirting- (flirt-ing) to make playfully romantic or sexual overtures; to deal superficially with; toss or flip suddenly; to move quickly.

Ecclesiastes 10:12-13- "Words from a wise [woman's] mouth are gracious, but a fool is consumed by [her] own lips. At the beginning [her] words are folly; at the end they are wicked madness."

To flirt or not to flirt, that is the question. Hmmmm.....and a very good question at that! Seriously, is flirting just all fun and games or can really people get hurt in the process? According to Mr. Webster and King Jesus, the answer to our second question (on whether people get hurt) is absolutely! The dictionary says that flirting is something that you do "superficially" which means "shallow." OK, so flirting with guys is "shallow." I have honestly never thought of it that way before! The Bible even backs that philosophy up too! Read Ecclesiastes 10:12-13 again. OK, did you really read it? It says that a foolish woman is "consumed with her own lips" and is viewed as "wicked madness." So this whole flirting thing is actually pretty serious!



So, we know that flirting is a negative thing, but what exactly is flirting and how do we as girls do it?

• We flirt by acting seductively "just for fun," playing with a guy's mind, playing up a guy's ego excessively, touching guys in inappropriate ways (ie. massages, full-body hugs, etc.), and spending excessive amounts of time alone with a single guy having very serious conversations (please note that while it is a good thing to have great conversations with guys, serious conversations when alone allow you and the guy you are talking with to bond in a very intimate way....these serious talks should be left for you and your future husband).
• So, and example of all of this would be you walk into youth group and you catch sight of this new guy that you have never seen before and let me tell you, he is fine! Well, you maneuver your way over to him and start a conversation (with very wrong intentions I might add--this conversation is not to make him feel comfortable in a new youth group!) in which you ask if he has a girlfriend. He says no and you mention that you are single too (playing with his minds here!). Then you sit down for youth group and you just happen to bump shoulders with him and you chair just happens to move a couple inches closer to his. Then after youth group you tell him that he is such an amazing guy and that he has the bluest eyes you have ever seen! I think this guy is going to leave thinking that he landed the jackpot of all jackpots in girls, but you were just doing all of this for "fun" to see if you could land a guy like him. You never really intended to date him in the first place. Ouch, see what I mean.

But, what if you really do like a guy? How do you let him know that! First of all, it is easy to see a hot guy and be like "wow, I am so in love!" But checking out his character is a whole other story! How does this guy treat other girls? How does he treat his mom? We will be talking more about character traits later, so hang on. But make sure that you like a guy for the right reasons. You can let him know you like him in very pure motives. How do you do that?

• Your behaviour and words are not suggestive or seductive.
• You would not be embarrassed in how you are behaving if your parents walked into the room.

OK, so we have discovered that flirting over-all is a shallow, hurtful, and temporary thing that girls do "for fun," but ends up not being so fun! Please think before you play around with a guy's emotions. And be careful when guys are flirting with you. You are too precious to fall for anything less than God's perfect plan for your life!

Up next......Modesty--Isn't that Like From the Middle Ages??

Football Games, Quarterbacks, And Kisses

Yep, it is officially that time of year--football season! Today the University of Florida kicked off its season in a game against the University of Hawaii!--which they won, by the way. Last night my high school kicked off its season with our annual Classic Game against our cross-town rival and our varsity team won! One of America's favorite sports is back on the field along with other things.....



This was my first official week back at school after Tropical Storm Fay and in the midst of getting into the groove of my classes, loads of AP homework, and seeing old friends, the classic routine of "who likes who" already started! It is only the first week and new relationships have already begun while others have evaporated. Jordin Pruitt says it right when she sings, "Who likes who? Everyday it's someone new. The halls are filled with voices whispering, 'who likes who?' Doesn't matter if the rumor's true."



Who is dating at your school? Hollywood portrays the "cute couple" as the star quarterback on the football team and the head cheerleader. If this isn't the case, then it is definitely the star quarterback and the head volleyball player. Oh, still a different scenario? Well, then it's definitely the star quarterback and the captain of the drama club. Get the point? Hollywood glamorizes a certain type of "jock" as the guy to win. There are barely any movies where the dating scene does not have a football star as the leading player!--now this doesn't mean that there is anything bad with dating a football player, I am merely making an observation here!



At Forest's football Classic last night, I was able to go down onto the field to congratulate the team after our victory. As I stood with my friends, I couldn't help but notice different girls flocking to their certain football player and giving them a big hug and a kiss--and yes, after this they were also covered in sweat! I honestly couldn't help but wonder if these girls were dating these football players because they had a growing relationship that honored God or because it made them feel better about themselves. Why does Hollywood glamorize football players in the first place? Hello, they work out, have muscles, and win games for their school! Let's just say they are the modern-day knight in shining armor that comes and sweeps girls off their feet. And yes, girls are swept off their feet and are wrapped up into a relationship before they even know what is happening!



So, how did I feel at the game? Well, I didn't have a football-playing knight in shining armor to run to, so I just watched the other girls. What went through my heart right about then? Yes, I will be honest, I did feel like I should go find my own football player for a couple minutes! But then I thought back to how far God has brought me and everything that He has done for me. God has told me to wait for my knight in shining armor, so I am going to wait on God's direction. Yes, it was a little disappointing and tough after the game when I didn't have a hot jock calling my name, but I have the King of Kings who created my name. My God has a plan for my life that I quite frankly do not want to try and take into my own hands. If God says that He has His perfect guy out there for me, then I am going to wait for the day that I can run to my man and congratulate him on his victory. That day will come, just in God's timing.



Back to our series on dating and guys.....so, society definitely gives us a picture of what the ideal dating relationship looks like, but that does not mean that it is the best description.



Society describes a healthy dating relationship as a guy and a girl who barely know each other, but decide to get to know more about each other through dating. Once the relationship begins, they go to a movie and maybe get some dinner afterwards. Then they kiss and call it a night. The next date goes a little further. The couple takes it to the next "base" and "finds out more about each other." This couple may fight, but both parties just go and talk it out to their friends and then call each other begging for another chance. Then society says that sex seals the deal on love, so they have sex, but find out that now they just can't be together in the same way and part ways.....or continue in the same circle over and over and over.



A healthy dating relationship defined by God goes as follows: A godly guy notices the character of a girl pursuing Jesus Christ with all of her heart. He pursues her and encourages her in her walk with Christ. They get to know each other while they actively grow in their relationship with God. Then they begin to date. They have fun with groups of people and still stay true to who they are even though they are dating. They set guidelines and standards that they have to follow in their relationship. Once they have drawn their lines, they don't step over them. When they disagree, they don't trash-talk each other to their friends, but talk to God about the situation and seek His guidance--He is the One who brought them together in the first place! Whatever happens, they allow God to lead and in that they are truly blessed.



I hope you are getting a couple good ideas about dating.....we still have more topics to cover so stay tuned! Still up ahead we have...

• To Flirt or Not to Flirt, that is the Question!
• Modesty--Isn't that like from the Middle Ages?
• It's All In the Guy--Wait, What About Him?
• When To Start Dating: the Key to A Solid Relationship.
• The "Dating Formula": Is There Such a Thing?
• Let's Talk About Sex!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this post as well as the subjects to come. If you have something more personal that you would want to share, just e-mail me at emilybc91@yahoo.com.

Remember, run to Jesus and turn around to see who is trying to catch up with you.

Understanding Guys...Yes At Times This Is A Little Scary!

Yep, guys are officially crazy!--and maybe even a bit scary at times! : ) But seriously, what's up with guys? To kick off our series on guys and dating I thought that we should talk a little bit about how to even understand guys.....



OK, so what's to know about guys? Well, they are (for the most part!) active, physical, don't think what you think, and don't go get manicures and pedicures before prom--at least I hope they don't! But guys are a lot of fun to be around--duh! Why are they fun? First of all, they really don't care about "drama," you can just hang out and not worry about starting a girl fight! (Again for the most part!!) But most importantly, God created us to have relationships with guys! So it is normal and natural to hang out with guys, talk to them, and build meaningful relationships with them.



So, what do we need to understand about guys before we make them a part of our group of close friends?

1. Guys are visually stimulated. Yes, girls, I know that this issue is harped and harped upon, but the Bible clearly warns us against causing another person to fall into sin. When a guy looks at you, he is not thinking about how cute your spaghetti strap shirt is with your mini skirt! Stay with me here! We can still look cute, but in a modest way.....we will talk more about this throughout this series, so keep checking in!


2. Guys are physical. So when you give your girlfriends a hug, they think nothing of it except that it is sealing your great friendship. When you hug a guy, he is not thinking about how great your friendship is. He is thinking about how great your body feels against his. Now, this is a general human-guy statement. Not all guys are like that--but as a general rule, side hugs are better or even high fives can suffice as a way to say hello.


3. Guys are not and never will be girls. It is still best to share your innermost secrets with your close girlfriends. Guys cannot understand and sympathize with you about your once-a-month-visits--if you know what I mean! They are just thanking God that they don't go through that! But, in all honesty, talking to a guy about dating relationships with other guys or about sexual topics is not appropriate. You may be sharing your thoughts with your guy friend on a very innocent level, but he may take it a completely different way. Save those talks for the girlfriends!
   
   
   

OK, so we have uncovered several important character traits of guys....stay tuned for thoughts on flirting, modesty, sex, and priorities in dating......here we go!

Don't You Know You're Beautiful?

Prom night. Pressure. The power of peers. It just isn't easy to say "no" isn't it? It's alright because everyone else is doing "it," right? Wrong. Not everyone around you is having sex. While some forms of media would suggest otherwise, some positive role models are stepping out and showing girls the power of saying no.



Country singer Kellie Pickler is one of those positive role models. In her latest single, "Don't You Know You're Beautiful," Pickler proclaims, "Hey there little homecoming queen in that back seat. I’ll bet his brown eyes are promising you everything! And I know you want to be just like your friends, but he’ll still love you if you don’t give in. But if those girls were being honest that have been where you're at, I’d bet they’d tell you they wish they had their innocence back." Kellie is so right! Right now it's summertime--time to hang loose and have fun with your friends. I know that it isn't easy to walk away from peer pressure. It is not easy to walk away from a party invitation that you know will have alcohol involved. I know that it is not easy to walk away from that guy who says, "I love you" because he just wants one little thing. That one little thing is not all that little. Sex has the power to change the course of your entire life. It is not some walk in the park as Hollywood would like to portray it. Save the intimacy of sex for marriage. That is what God designed it for! Get to know guys for who they are as people! Right now simply enjoy being friends. God will show you the right time to begin walking down the dating trail. For some of you that may be right now. Hold Jesus' hand as you walk beside another. God will guide you. For others of us, God has told us to wait. His perfect man is not on the scene yet. Why would we waste our "I love yous" on someone that they weren't meant for? Sexual purity is not only about physical sex. Sexual purity includes our hearts and minds as well. Protect yourself. It is way too easy to fall into the "crush" pit. Once you begin to think it, it is extremely hard to change your thoughts. Ask God to guide you through this process of growing up. He will. Make a list of what you are looking for in a guy. This will definitely help you as you think about dating. For example, my list looks a little something like this (I won't give you all of the characteristics I am looking for because that would take a couple entries just to fill them all out!):

• Strong Christ-follower: He puts Jesus first in everything and obviously loves Him with all of his heart.
• Strong leader: He can lead me in the right direction.
• Obvious integrity.
• Intuitive and discerning.
• Wise.
• Athletic/healthy: he needs to help me stay motivated to be active!
• Driven and inspired to accomplish his dreams and goals.
• Good listener.
• Appreciates different cultures and countries.
• Thinks with the end in mind.
• Good with finances.

While these are just a couple of characteristics, they definitely put things in perspective! Right now, have fun. Be friends with guys without that pressure of being attached to one. God will bless you when you wait on His timing.

What God does in you while you wait is just as important as what you are waiting for.

Run to Jesus and look to see who is trying to catch up with you.

Check out my post, Boys Are Like Pancakes, for some more insights on guys!

Boys Are Like Pancakes

You run home after a long workout at the local gym. You worked hard today trying to get back in shape. You are sweating like crazy and your stomach is beginning to growl for some much needed (and much wanted) food. You jump in the shower to rinse off and then drive to your favorite breakfast joint to meet a friend for morning brunch. The first thing you see on the menu is a delicious stack of pancakes dripping with syrup and loaded with butter. You decide to order the stack of hot cakes and anxiously await their arrival. After about fifteen minutes of small talk and great expectations, your pancakes finally arrive. You load them with butter and drown them in pure maple syrup. You carefully cut your stack into bite-size pieces. You allow the aroma of freshly baked pancakes to sift through your nostrils. You dig your fork into a bite and lift it to your lips. Your mouth is watering as you anticipate eating what you have desired all morning. You quickly inhale your first bite. You begin to chew your long awaited breakfast only to make a disgusted face and quickly spit out your desired meal. What was wrong? Did the pancakes not meet your desired approval and long awaited taste buds? You had waited so long and worked so hard to eat those pancakes only for them to taste horribly! You were left unsatisfied and unfulfilled.



Waiting for God's man for our lives is a lot like waiting for that delicious stack of steaming pancakes. We anxiously desire and fervently pray for the "right guy" to come along. So when the first guy shows up, we think that he has to be the one and we settle for less than God's best for our lives. When we don't wait for God's perfect timing in dating we will only end up bitterly disappointed and sadly unfulfilled. The outside of the guy may look great! He could have what seems like the entire package of the perfect Christian guy, but before you decide to commit to him for the rest of your life, talk to your Heavenly Father. He truly knows your heart. He created you and knows you better than you even know yourself! He knows exactly what man you need. He knows what man will satisfy your desire like delicious pancakes soaked in syrup and butter. God knows you! Trust Him with the guy of your dreams. In the long run, your dream guy will not even always measure up. God is the only One who can ever completely satisfy us! A guy can never complete us or make us better. Only God can do that. So if He is the only One who can complete us, then we should totally trust Him with our love life--just like we trust the chef to make delicious pancakes for us to enjoy.



"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall make your paths straight."
~Proverbs 3:5-6



"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."
~Jeremiah 29:11

Am I Worth Waiting For?

I don't know your name. I haven't met you yet, but I pray for you daily. I am praying for your purity. I am praying that you are waiting for me during this very vulnerable stage of your life.

I know it isn't easy being "the only one" without a date on the weekend. I know how that feels. I know how it feels to go without a date to prom and just go with a group of my buddies. I know how you feel.

I know it isn't easy listening to your friends talk about what their boyfriends gave them for Valentine's Day. I have only bought Valentine's Day gifts for my mom. I am saving my expressions of love for you.

Are you preparing yourself for me? I am getting ready for you. I am actively studying God's Word and daily seeking His guidance. I am working out physically to stay active and to be healthy for you. I am studying to help create a future for God's plans for our lives. I am treating the women around me with respect--how I would treat you.

I am saving my most important gift for you. My purity. My first kiss. Many people have laughed at me, but I know that I am doing what God has called me to do in waiting for you alone. I don't want other girls to experience what only you should experience. I don't want other girls to hold a piece of my heart because I want to give you all of my heart.

You may be thinking I am not real, but I am. Please wait for me. I am waiting for you. Don't believe me? Talk to your Heavenly Daddy for a while, He might help you see that maybe I am worth waiting for....

But, Didn't You MIss Out on Dating In High School??

My answer to that question is NOPE! Many people stop and stare (figuratively!) when they hear about a girl who is choosing not to date in high school. "But how can that even be possible?" they wonder. It is possible! Now, I am not saying that dating is a sin or anything. As long as you put Jesus first in your life and do what He wants you to do, everything is OK. But for me, God has told me to wait. The cool thing is, God has blessed me with a Daddy who cares about me and invests in my life. Ever since I was a little girl we went on daddy/daughter dates. My favorite dates have been simply driving in the convertible and talking, walking on the beach and talking, and drinking Starbucks and talking (of course!). My Daddy really has been the "main man" in my life and I do not regret that at all. As I look back on my high school career, I will not remember a boyfriend who broke my heart and a bunch of wasted memories. I will remember a Daddy who took the time to invest in me and help me go to the next level. My Daddy has been there for me through my first steps, riding my first bike, my first day(s) of school, my first time driving, my first job, my tears, and my joy. He has encouraged me, strengthened me, and lifted me up. He has also confronted me and helped me grow to the next level. (I am thinking that he has offered me a whole lot more than an ordinary boyfriend could, but that's just me!) As you can probably tell, I have loved my daddy/daughter dates--they are inspirational and a lot of fun! Try it out sometime. Surprise your Daddy and ask to go out on a date. I bet you will knock his socks off! If you don't have an earthly Daddy, you DO have an amazing Heavenly Daddy who does the best dates of all! (Check out my Daddy's blog at http://www.incourageu.com/!)

Why I Don't Date

Today I received an email from my friend, Katylynn Clemons and she had some great thoughts on dating...enjoy!

I know many of you have a boyfriend, but I don't (and never had). But, there is a reason for that (and it's not because I haven't been asked). It all started when I was in Elementary School with Kaleb (one of my first crushes). He was really cute, and I got to eat lunch with him! However, he decide he liked my best friend, not me. Then I moved into middle school, were my friends went from having crushes to "going out". I had my eye on a guy, but he moved away. So that didn't work out either. Now I'm in High School, and most of my friends are dating and have boyfriends, but I don't. The reason I don't have a boyfriend is because I have another man in my life. This man thinks I'm beautiful. Not only does he think I'm beautiful, but he loves me too. He loves me unconditionally, even though he knows my deepest darkest secrets. No, he's not prince charming, actually he's a KING! Now, you may be wondering who exactly this man is, well I'll tell you-it's God. That's right, the Creator of the Universe, the King of Kings, thinks I'm beautiful. But you know what, he doesn't just think I'm beautiful, He thinks your beautiful too! Psalm 45:11 says "The King is enthralled by you beauty; honor Him for He is your Lord." Let that sink in for a minute. God thinks your beautiful! Romans 5:8 (But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.) shows He also loves you, and has proven it. If you struggle with how you feel about yourself, or how you look (or just can't understand why God would give you so many freckles), remember, God is enthralled by YOUR beauty.

Waiting and a Little Thing Called TRUST!

Waiting for God's perfect timing is not easy. Lately God has definitely laid two specific verses on my heart: Proverbs 3:5-6.

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall make your paths straight.

This past week was Valentine's Day. God has told me to wait for His timing in the whole area of dating. And to be perfectly honest, being friends with a guy is so much more fun than dating! But I do know how hard it is to feel like you are the only girl without a boyfriend or the only girl not receiving the famous school "Valo-grams" or something like that! It is hard to wait for God's guy to come around. It would be easy to find a hott guy at school and quickly get involved in a dating relationship. But that isn't what God has called me to do. He wants me to wait for the right guy to come along. That is why I love those verses. They say to trust Jesus with ALL of my heart. Not just a part of it. That means I have to trust Him with every single aspect of this whole "dating" thing. (And I am just being transparent for you here--I struggle with this!) I have simply to decided to try to live these verses every day. Now that doesn't mean I won't mess up--I am human! But I can come to the feet of Jesus and ask for His help. That is what is so cool about God--He is there to comfort and guide us.

What God is doing in you while you wait is just as important as what you are waiting for!

An Awesome Truth...

As I have been reading through February's issue of Brio Magazine, I have loved reading "Becky's Beliefs" (the Brio Girl 2008 column). In Becky's article, called "No Turning Back", Becky talks about giving our lives to Jesus and trusting Him to write our story. I love the quote she uses in regards to dating, "Run to Jesus, then turn around and see who's trying to catch up with you."

That simple statement holds so much truth. Instead of worrying about who to date or when to date, we need to run to Jesus with all of our might and trust Him to guide us to His man for our lives. Once our eyes are completely on Him, we can trust Him to write our future.

I don't know about you, but I want a guy who is chasing after Jesus rather than chasing after me. I want a guy who loves Jesus with his whole heart and desires to serve Him, and follow Jesus' plan for his life too. I am willing to wait for that man. During my time of waiting, I am trusting Jesus and running into the arms of my Heavenly Daddy.