let your no shape your yes

I read a statement once that I haven't been able to forget: "Some of the most life-shaping decisions you make in this season will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can't-live-without." That simple truth got me thinking that perhaps what we say no to is just as important as what we say yes to...and sometimes, our no might be even more important that our yes.

Good is fine and all, but I don't want to settle for just good. I want to live out everything God has planned for me to the best of my ability. I want to graduate from good to great. I want to grow, dive deeper, push through leadership lids, and become. I don't want a life that's stagnant and stale; I don't want to live trapped in a sea of bland. I want a life of color, adventure, and risk. I want to put my head on my pillow each night knowing that if God doesn't show up in the dreams He's put in my heart, it's game over for me. I want to be dependent, but only on Jesus. I want to pursue my passions relentlessly. I want to challenge myself, push myself to the limit, and discover just how far I can go.

But in order to really fulfill the call God has on my life, I'm going to have to start saying no.

No to hasty decisions.
No to pleasing people rather than pleasing God.
No to unhealthy relationships.
No to perfectionism.
No to unintentional living.
No to settling for average.
No to thinking I know it all.
No to living stuck in past shame.
No to unwise thoughts.
No to good-enough.

The foundation I build with my nos will lead to a stronger yes. Yes to what God has created me for. Yes to who He has called me to be. Yes to the life I want to lead. Yes to the girl I want to become.

Without saying no, I can't set myself up to say yes.

What will you say no to today in order to say a resounding YES?

being right is highly over-rated

We’ve all worked with that one person. You know, that one guy who always has to have the last word. Or the constant Debbie Downer of the office who consistently dampens the mood in any given situation. Unlike our circle of friends, we don’t always have the privilege of hand-picking the people we work with. The question then is, how can you lead co-workers who are just hard to work with?

Picture this: it’s Monday morning, you’ve just come off of a great weekend, and your company has an important presentation this week that could make or break the future of the company. As if right on cue, your co-worker, Joe, walks into your office spewing frustration that not only have the bathrooms run out of toilet paper again, but the coffee maker is broken, and his girlfriend broke up with him this weekend. To top it off, Joe states that he is just too stressed to focus on his portion of the presentation (which in your mind isn’t even that big of a portion anyways!) and he needs your input in order to finish it before his 10:00 a.m. deadline. Did I mention it’s 9:00 a.m. and that Joe is the Facilities Director?

You’re left facing a crossroads that could turn one of two ways. You can either spew your own frustration at Joe, angrily telling him to go fix his own problems while he fixes the toilet paper situation that is his responsibility anyways. Or you can take a deep breath and decide to pick and choose your battles.

Would you be in the right to brush off Joe, kick him out of your office, and show your annoyance at his negative outlook? Absolutely. Would it be beneficial? Not at all.

The number one secret to leading people that are difficult to work with is in knowing this truth: being right is highly over-rated. When co-workers complain, try to be right, or get the last word in, take a deep breath and decide what kind of leader you want to be. If you react to what your co-workers are displaying and attempt to prove a point, the only thing you really prove is that you are no different than they are.

If it’s not a crucial issue and in the big scheme of things it really doesn’t matter, remember that leading is more about choosing to lead and less about proving you’re right. In the end, your co-workers may not change how they act, but what truly matters is what happens in you, not to you.

"I am a storyteller."

Several months ago in the social media world, I began hearing this buzz about a girl who was leaving letters for strangers in New York City and mailing hundreds of subsequent letters to people she had never met. My attention was instantly piqued, and I just had to learn more about this girl.

You see, I thought writing letters was a dying art form. I thought I was one of the last people on earth who still cherished exchanging correspondence through hand-written form. Don't get me wrong, I'm a social media nerd. In fact, it's an area I'm studying at school. However, there's just something about tangible thoughts on paper that still grips my heartstrings like nothing else can.

Enter Hannah Brencher. What was initially birthed as a form of therapy, became her life mission. "I am not a strategist or a specialist. I am a storyteller," says Hannah. Since leaving letters on the train in NYC, she's sent over 4,200 letters around the world, spreading a message of love and ultimate hope. The stories from Hannah & her organization, The World Needs More Love Letters, are absolutely INCREDIBLE. Rather than trying to re-count what Hannah is passionate about, I'll let her tell you herself. Watch her TED video below:

these bruises make for better conversation

Today a new friend asked me a question that took me off guard and brought a surge of memories, relationships, feelings and fears to the surface...memories that I try to forget.

We were working on a project, and my friend asked how a tough situation in my past had affected me. I stumbled around for a second, trying to find the right words to say. "I, I don't know," I stuttered.  Over the next few milliseconds, my brain froze. Do I tell this new person deep, raw information about myself, my fears? Or just put on my game face, sweep it under the rug, and give the answers people usually want to hear? Before I could hesitate any longer, I leaped.

"No, I do know. I do know how it affected me." In many ways, that particular tough situation still does affect me to my core, shaking the contents of my heart and brain around like building blocks in a dryer. Loud and uncomfortable. Painful. That's why I don't let myself bring it to the surface. I trick myself into believing that the deeper I bury the reality of how I was affected, I will protect myself. That, however, only does more internal damage.

That initial question trailed into a full-blown, 30-minute conversation that felt more like a wrestling match inside my head. What this person was asking me about required me to reveal my true thoughts...something I'm often not willing to do.

"So, what sets you off?" my friend asked.

"Not knowing where I stand with people," I replied.

"What do you mean?"

Over the past seven years, I've lived in a season of change. Good, frustrating, annoying, humiliating, scary change. In this season, I have really, really struggled with trusting, loving and forgiving people. One minute, they love you and the next you're out like last year's fashion wondering what went wrong. Through that, I've learned to protect myself by building walls around my heart, not opening up honestly to people, masking my emotions with my "game face," and constantly living with the feeling of walking on a tight rope, afraid that it will snap at any given point.

Truth is, we've all got bruises.

Every person that has been woven into the story of my life was written in for a reason. It may have only been for a chapter, or even just a page, but they were written into my story. Sometimes I don't like why their character was suddenly pulled out of my life or the situation surrounding it. And there are times when I just seriously want other characters erased forever from my memory. But those lives that have intersected with mine are significant. They have bruises too.

"How do you let people know where you stand with them?"

That question threw me back. I had honestly never thought about it before. I am so consumed with how people treat me, figuring out their agenda, or deciding if they're honest or not, that I'm missing what I'm communicating to them--and ultimately myself. I'm missing out on the fact that I'm not being honest either, wearing my mask like I'm living in some gaudy masquerade ball, hiding my feelings because I'm too afraid that if I'm honest I'll just get burned like every other time I've opened up.

After our conversation, I struggled, letting questions tumble around in my head: did I answer the questions the right way? Should I have answered differently? Does my friend think I'm a total loser when it comes to the people department? I mean, I work in a church! Shouldn't I be a pro at dealing with people?

I grabbed my car keys, started the ignition, and began to drive home, questions still shaking around in my brain like animated iPhone apps. When the radio came on, the first lyrics to reach my ears were from Train's new album. Floored, overwhelmed and actually, relieved, I listened to the sweet words entering my ears, "These bruises make for better conversation, loses the vibe that separates. It's good to let you in again. You're not alone in how you've been. Everybody loses--we all got bruises."

My story is significant and worth more than shoving down the drain. Yes, I've been bruised. But so have the people who have bruised me. It's time to let people in again. Breathe in. Breathe in and out again. I'm pretty sick of always putting on my "game face" and trying to hide my story, my past--it just took taking a leap and answering really hard questions as rawly as I could to see that.

To my friend, keep the tough questions coming. We've all got bruises.

Leading in the Little Things

Sometimes the biggest impact we leave on those around us comes from the little things we do--or don't do. Everything rises and falls on leadership and I believe that leadership begins with who we are when we think no one is watching.

In this video, Tim Tebow was mic'd up for the Broncos game versus the Bears. It's incredible to see how he chooses to respond to the little things--and the big things--both on and off the field.

Respect and credibility as a leader begin in the moments that don't seem that important or extraordinary. Leading others onto the playing field is determined by how we lead on the sidelines, when we think no one is watching.

Is the criticism really about football?

So much hype has surrounded Tim Tebow over the past several weeks--well really, I mean, when hasn't there been talk surrounding Tebow?

But from the negative all the way to the positive, Tim Tebow keeps raising the bar--doing better, setting higher standards, and giving God all the glory.

"One of the great lessons you learn in football is courage to keep fighting. When you get knocked down, are you gonna get back up?" - Tim Tebow

I think I've learned one of the best kept secrets around: Praise in public. Criticize in private. It goes back to our elementary school days...if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Criticizing others not only relinquishes your leadership, but it also diminishes your credibility.

The real question that has begun to bubble to the surface though is why do people criticize Tebow so much? His stats are thoroughly backing up his athletic ability. So why does the media continuously communicate this negative bent towards Tim Tebow? The USA Today flat-out conquered the answer to this question. Check out their amazing article, "Anti-Tebow bias isn't about football."

At the end of the day, Tim Tebow wins football games. End of story. But far beyond touchdowns & scoreboard victories, he is winning BIG TIME in things that really matter...and that's what it's truly all about. (For more information on the Tim Tebow Foundation, click here.)

Fast Company's "The Case for Girls"

I've always been extremely interested in studying society's influence & effects on girls. For as far back as I can remember, whenever I've been assigned to write a paper (from elementary school all the way through now, my junior year in college) I would always choose to highlight a female author, aspects of the feminist movement, advertising's effects on girlhood, and media's portrayal of women. It fascinates me...and breaks my heart.

When I was in middle school, I vividly remember several college-aged girls intentionally investing into me. They would take me out for ice-cream, send me packages from college, and have movie nights with me. They didn't act superior. They loved me and modeled what a strong woman in the 21st century looked like. No, it wasn't the modern feminist kind of "strong." It was a strength rooted in confidence in Christ...not whether they were on top of the world or not.

Now, it's my turn. I'm that college-aged girl and I have middle school girls looking to me for help....how are we defining girlhood? What does an effective female leader look like? We are setting that stage right now, today.

Fast Company published "The Case for Girls"--the basis for the study was that "most would-be parents prefer boys, not girls. Is part of the trouble, dare we say, a branding problem--one that advertising could solve?" GREAT READ. And this case is on to something....

"My daughter will be brought up to understand her true value. That's a promise. As for all the little girls to be born around the world, the creation of these ads is an effort to show how imagination can change the conversation around their lives."

What do you think...how are you setting the stage for a rising generation of girls?

What You're Doing Inside of Me

As I was driving to my Hope Life Group tonight, a song came on the radio that resonated deep within me--you know those moments when lyrics just seem to put your thoughts and feelings into words?

Whatever You're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, somehow there's peace. It's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something heavenly.

In a recent post, I talked about how leaders push through shades of grey to find clarity. In growing in Christ, I find myself having to push through each stage and every level to find clarity--or another part of who He is creating me to be. Jenni Catron says, "Good leaders lead through the grey. They don't get lost in it. They don't get bogged down by it. They push through it to find clarity." As God leads me through this thing called life, I must push through those "grey" areas, or unknown regions, and keep my eyes locked onto His. When my eyes stay focused on the One who created me, I find true clarity in life. After all, He is the One who defines clarity.

It's time for healing, time to move on. It's time to fix what's been broken too long. Time to make right what has been wrong. It's time to find my way to where I belong. There's a wave that's crashing over me, all I can do is surrender.

Surrendering to Christ's power and plan for my life isn't always a walk in the park. I'm a planner. I like to know what that "next step" is. I like to know exactly where I'll finish my college education. I like to know what my future career plans hold. I like to know the details. Growth in Christ requires faith though. Faith believes in what I can't always see. Easier said than done? You bet. This is where growing through shades of grey comes into play. To lock my eyes onto the face of Christ, I must re-align my thoughts. Each morning before I roll out of bed, I must create the habit to begin my day talking to Christ. When I start my car, I must create a new habit where I turn on music that shifts my thoughts towards my Savior. When I walk on my college campus, I must train my thoughts to stay focused on eternity and not obsessed on present popularity. Making these changes focuses on one day at a time--not conquering perfection. I'll never get there. I know that I'll always have this "chaos" inside of me--this feeling of Christ doing something inside of me that I won't always have figured out. You know what, I believe that's right where He wants us. If we had all of the "grey" areas figured out, then He wouldn't be God and we wouldn't need Him. Living in shades of grey should perhaps be the new normal that I seek.

Time for a milestone. Time to begin again. Re-evaluate who I really am. Am I doing everything to follow Your will or just climbing aimlessly over these hills? So show me what it is You want from me. I give everything, I surrender. Time to face up, clean this old house. Time to breathe in and let everything out that I've wanted to say for so many years. Time to release all my held back tears. Whatever You're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but I believe You're up to something bigger than me. Larger than life, something heavenly.

Lord, help me to re-train my entire thought process. I don't want to simply go through the motions of life. I want to fully live! God, I'm beginning to realize that this feeling of chaos inside of me is a part of Your plan--Your plan to lead me into shades of grey....areas where I have no other option but trusting in You alone. God, I surrender. I surrender all. If You don't show up, then I'm nothing at all. Do your work inside of me.

It's time to face up, clean this old house. Time to breathe in and let everything out...

Leading in Shades of Grey and Walking on Water

Britt Nicole has an amazing story on what leading in shades of grey looks like and how we need to step out in faith--even when we can't see.....

Leading in Shades of Grey

"Good leaders lead through the grey. They don't get lost in it. They don't get bogged down by it. They push through it to find clarity." -Jenni Catron

Why am I here right now? Why am I doing this? Do I even want to do this?--for the rest of my life? I want to be passionate, but about what?Sometimes I can't find the answers in clear-cut black and white letters. Often, the answers I am looking for are in shades of grey.

In Jeremiah, God says that He knows His plans for me, and these plans are for my good. Sometimes I wonder why I haven't been given a glimpse into these plans. Wouldn't it be nice to be handed a map marking out where to go to college, what career to pursue, how to respond in every situation, who to befriend and who to avoid, and who to marry? This past week I felt like I was walking through a pitch black room trying to find a light switch. I felt like I couldn't see my hand in front of me and I wanted desperately to turn on a light! But, as I began to think about what I was experiencing in the dark, I began to realize that perhaps that's exactly where God wants me. In my attempts to find a light, I was using my own resources--making my own career choices, looking at what colleges I was interested in, spending time with people I wanted to hang out with, and responding to situations how I felt like responding. See a pattern? Finding the answers was all about me. When I took the time to stop and think about what I was experiencing in the dark, a light turned on inside of me and Clarity began to resonate within my heart.

In my search for "light," I was asking questions questions like...

• What career do I want to pursue?
• What am I good at?
• What do I want to do?
• What do I want to major in?
• Where do I want to go to school?

God began to show me, however, that I was asking the wrong questions. In 1 Corinthians chapters 8-10, He showed me that He has commissioned me with a work, entrusted me with gifts & abilities, and is compelling me to take action.

So, to truly seek the Light, I think I should ask some different questions...

• God, what are you commissioning me to do?
• God, what are you entrusting to me?
• God, what are you compelling me to take action on?

When I began to shift my focus from "finding the light" to simply sitting in God's presence--light or no light--I began to find Clarity...and true Light. He began to show me that the future isn't even about me...it's all about Him. He showed me that leading isn't about status, position, accomplishments, who you know, how many books you have read, or where you have been. In contrast, leadership is all about being a servant. This thing called life isn't something to pass through, but something to work hard in--running towards the Finish Line giving it everything I've got! Leading in shades of grey is all about pushing through to find Clarity--and the beautiful thing is that Clarity is found alone in Jesus Christ. AND, what's more, He has equipped us to walk through shades of grey. He quips us to overcome and raises us up to become more like Christ.

Leading in shades of grey....seeking TRUE Clarity requires asking the right questions and taking the time to sit in the dark for a while. Christ requires ALL of us...not 50% or even 99%. He asks for all. I believe He leads us to sit at His feet in the dark so we can push through those grey areas--those areas that we are trying so desperately to figure out, but for all the wrong reasons.

So, where am I right now? Content. Content to simply sit at His feet until He leads me to move. I'm asking different questions and discovering what it is that He has commissioned me for, entrusted me with, and compelling me to take action on. From what He's showing me, it's definitely different than what I would have ever imagined or even dreamed of...but the small glimpse that He has shown me looks pretty exciting if you ask me! Yep, I am beginning to embrace leading in shades of grey....black and white answers are over-rated.

Photo courtesy of Megan Mercier.